So Capello has named his sqaud for the Euro 2012 Qualifier against Montenegro and I have decided to give my opinions on it over four blogs in the next four days. To start with, The Strikers. These are the people who will be looking to gain all the glory, the person who scores the goals and becomes the hero! Its a competitive position with only Wayne Rooney's place for Euro 2012 secure - and thats if he doesn't carry on his current dismal form. Capello has chosen 4 strikers, suggesting he will be playing 2 up front and leaving 2 for back-up. So here they are, those selected to go for glory:
The Shock Choice - Kevin Davies
Kevin Davies has gained his first ever England call-up...he is 33 years old. This is the shock choice of the selection! Capello has alway said he will select those that are on form at that moment in time, clearly he feels Kevin Davies current form has warrented a call-up. After all, his current form of 2 goals in 8 has helped Bolton reach the dizzy heights of 12th. Here are three gripes you might here about the selection of Kevin Davies:
1) He is 33 years old - in 2 years time when we come to Euro 2012, will he still be playing. Shouldn't we be building a team for that competition as we have a relatively easy group? Shouldn't Andy Carroll be getting the much needed experience now to prepare him to take on the best in the future? This argument isn't mine - its true - but for me not the main point.
2) He has never played against the best - in his 17 year career he has played a total of 14 European games and scored one European goal, and all of that was in the UEFA Cup. He has never played for a team that has made it into the top 4 and competed against the best in Europe, why is he good enough now? Again, this is valid - but not why I don't want him in the squad.
3) He is not good enough - Now this is why I don't want him in the squad. There is a reason he has never been picked for England before, he isn't good enough! He is a thuggish player who since losing his pace has survived by just kicking more talented players around. He is an elbows out kind of forward, you ain't gonna see many stepovers from this lad. The perfect compliment to the skill of Rooney or the antithesis of what Rooney signifies for England? I think I know which one! In his 600 professional games he has scored 120 goals - his star season is 12 goals in one season...really? World Class? I think not!
The one with 1 more chance to impress - Darren Bent
Darren Bent has been so close so many times but never quite broken through into a regular squad member. His form, this season and last, certainly warrants the call-up and if he brings that form into the game and impresses then he may just push himself quite a lot closer to becoming a regular England squad member - good luck to him! He may not be World Class, but he'll do for a back-up!
The one that could become the opportunist - Peter Crouch
Crouch was there, first team player - but for some reason Capello was not a fan. Was it his personal life? Was it the way he seems to force teams to play Route 1 Football? Who knows...what we do know though, he has a fantastic international record - 21 goals in 40 games, not bad at all! If Peter Crouch starts (which surely he will) and then performs there is no reason why he won't secure a place in the England Squad and make a push for that starting 11.
The Superstar - Wayne Rooney
The man on who all our hopes lie, I hate to admit it but we fucking need that scouse fucker. He was dismal in the World Cup and he has been dismal since! We all know why...so lets solve it...lets get the lad some prozzies! Coleen obv ain't giving him what he needs, he had the best season of his life when he had the wife, the kid and the prozzie...then we all find out, the prozzie gets cut off and he turns to shit. Get the lad laid and then we may go all the way! Come on Capello - thats what we call man management!
Showing posts with label football 2010. Show all posts
Showing posts with label football 2010. Show all posts
Monday, October 4, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
West Ham draw to Fulham - So close but no cigar in all aspects
Piquionne we love you!
So I might be asking a little much but I am still rather disappointed by the draw today. Ok so Fulham ain't a bad team, but come on is it so much to ask that we get that bit of luck and pip them 2-1? Robert Green vs Clint Dempsey, it was only ever going to go one way wasn't it. Robert Green must actually have fucking nightmares over Mr. Dempsey. When that goal went in I was actually like, "oh fuck here we go again!", but oh no I forgot we got Piquionne and Obinna who are on a two man mission to keep the Hammers fucking happy this season! We got four points now, we may still be on the bottom but its looking up! I think we can do it! We need to fucking do thats for damn sure! Obinna and Piquionne have started to get a little bit of a partnership going up the front in the last couple of games and that matched with our man Parker keeping everyone in order in the middle may just be enough! Now we just need Robert Green to start playing the way that made him England Number One, rather than the way that took the Number One away from him, and we should be fine this season.
It's going to be a long season boys, but that just may work in our favour! The team is starting to settle under Mr. Grant and who knows it may just all work out for the best just yet. I reckon over the 38 games we will make it up to 38 points and that may just be enough! It will be a toughy but fuck it lets make it happen!
Gaz I fucking hate you!
So after the game we were a mixture of emotions. We hadn't won, but we hadn't lost. We had a couple of bevvies down the The Boleyn and disected the game the same we always do. We may have got a little rowdy and yes we may have got a little bit drunk, but no problems this week. The Fulham lads went back to South West with a few black eyes I am sure, but none delt out by me or my mates.
We are in The Boleyn arguing about whether Upson is good enough for the England team or not (dunno what the arguments were because clearly he is), when Gaz gets a text. It's from one of the ladies that he occasionally frequents. They are having a party tonight and want him to come along. Obviously he does, with the lads following him. We have all decided The Jersey Game is going to be no go tonight - all the Fulham birds have headed back over to their posh homes in West London - we think fuck it, we'll take any bird tonight!
Me, Daz, Butters and Gaz hit this party hard. We all meet up round Daz flat first and snort the only few lines we got - we are all a bit dry on cash this weekend! We then pull out some X Cider's (told ya, strapped for cash) out the fridge and shotgun a couple.
Its about 9 when we hit the party, ok so you may be like "That's a bit early!", but nah not for us. We want some time before the party really kicks off to make our mark on a few of the girls. We don't want to walk into a kicking party and join in, we want to be the ones that arrive and then the party kicks off. Remembered for making that party happen! When we turn up we got a bottle of Jaeger in hand and Gaz introduces us to his girl who then introduces us around. The party does indeed kick off as soon as we flip that Jaeger bottle lid off and start dealing out shots. Jaegerbombs are being done on one side of the room, tequila that the hostess bought flowing the other.
Loadsa people start turning up around 10:30 - 11:00 with the booze they brought, which I help myself to. Getting pretty mashed up...the music buzzin! The girl who Gaz knows - Trisha - is clearly an R'n'B grinder kinda girl! We had the ol' Tinie Tempah booming over the speakers, then we had Rhianna banging out and all the girls knew this was their chance to show off their shagging moves so they hit the floor. I'd had a fair amount of drink by this time so me and Daz hit the dancefloor and start doing our thing with a couple of the ladies! Butters is as usual drinking himself into an early grave and fuck knows where Gaz is!
So I end up getting my grind on with Trisha, the bird whose party it is - the bird that Gaz has been frequenting recently. Oh well, he fucks other people - sure she can too, and why not let that person be me. So we are proper grinding and I gotta hand it to Gaz, this girl is hot. Long blonde hair, nice long legs shown off by a short dress. The boobs ain't huge but fuck it who wants more than a mouthful anyway. She got a nice tight ass as well (I know this because I am having a good grope as we grind).
It's about 1am, and Usher's new choooon is playing over the speakers. A few people are starting to flag though. Butters especially - he is sprawled out over two girls on the sofa. They don't look pleased about this. Trisha clearly see's that her party is coming to an end and takes me by the hand to kickstart our own party in her bedroom. She drags me down the hallway to where her bedroom is. I am thinking that I am def getting laid and that I am def going to horrible things to her tight ass! Then just as she pulls down the handle of her bedroom door I hear a very familiar voice, "Trish!" It's Gaz strolling out of the bathroom. Has he been in there all night? Has he been sick? Fuck knows, but he looks gone and he doesn't even notice I am there. He just walks up, shoves his tongue down Trish and then opens her bedroom door, pulls her in and shuts it in my face. Denied! Gaz just committed a burglary on me!
I end up going home with no pussy that night, just Daz helping me carry Butters. We can't be arsed to take him the whole way so just leave him at the Bobby Moore Statue and me and Daz go back to mine - Daz on the sofa of course, don't worry I don't roll that way!
So I might be asking a little much but I am still rather disappointed by the draw today. Ok so Fulham ain't a bad team, but come on is it so much to ask that we get that bit of luck and pip them 2-1? Robert Green vs Clint Dempsey, it was only ever going to go one way wasn't it. Robert Green must actually have fucking nightmares over Mr. Dempsey. When that goal went in I was actually like, "oh fuck here we go again!", but oh no I forgot we got Piquionne and Obinna who are on a two man mission to keep the Hammers fucking happy this season! We got four points now, we may still be on the bottom but its looking up! I think we can do it! We need to fucking do thats for damn sure! Obinna and Piquionne have started to get a little bit of a partnership going up the front in the last couple of games and that matched with our man Parker keeping everyone in order in the middle may just be enough! Now we just need Robert Green to start playing the way that made him England Number One, rather than the way that took the Number One away from him, and we should be fine this season.
It's going to be a long season boys, but that just may work in our favour! The team is starting to settle under Mr. Grant and who knows it may just all work out for the best just yet. I reckon over the 38 games we will make it up to 38 points and that may just be enough! It will be a toughy but fuck it lets make it happen!
Gaz I fucking hate you!
So after the game we were a mixture of emotions. We hadn't won, but we hadn't lost. We had a couple of bevvies down the The Boleyn and disected the game the same we always do. We may have got a little rowdy and yes we may have got a little bit drunk, but no problems this week. The Fulham lads went back to South West with a few black eyes I am sure, but none delt out by me or my mates.
We are in The Boleyn arguing about whether Upson is good enough for the England team or not (dunno what the arguments were because clearly he is), when Gaz gets a text. It's from one of the ladies that he occasionally frequents. They are having a party tonight and want him to come along. Obviously he does, with the lads following him. We have all decided The Jersey Game is going to be no go tonight - all the Fulham birds have headed back over to their posh homes in West London - we think fuck it, we'll take any bird tonight!
Me, Daz, Butters and Gaz hit this party hard. We all meet up round Daz flat first and snort the only few lines we got - we are all a bit dry on cash this weekend! We then pull out some X Cider's (told ya, strapped for cash) out the fridge and shotgun a couple.
Its about 9 when we hit the party, ok so you may be like "That's a bit early!", but nah not for us. We want some time before the party really kicks off to make our mark on a few of the girls. We don't want to walk into a kicking party and join in, we want to be the ones that arrive and then the party kicks off. Remembered for making that party happen! When we turn up we got a bottle of Jaeger in hand and Gaz introduces us to his girl who then introduces us around. The party does indeed kick off as soon as we flip that Jaeger bottle lid off and start dealing out shots. Jaegerbombs are being done on one side of the room, tequila that the hostess bought flowing the other.
Loadsa people start turning up around 10:30 - 11:00 with the booze they brought, which I help myself to. Getting pretty mashed up...the music buzzin! The girl who Gaz knows - Trisha - is clearly an R'n'B grinder kinda girl! We had the ol' Tinie Tempah booming over the speakers, then we had Rhianna banging out and all the girls knew this was their chance to show off their shagging moves so they hit the floor. I'd had a fair amount of drink by this time so me and Daz hit the dancefloor and start doing our thing with a couple of the ladies! Butters is as usual drinking himself into an early grave and fuck knows where Gaz is!
So I end up getting my grind on with Trisha, the bird whose party it is - the bird that Gaz has been frequenting recently. Oh well, he fucks other people - sure she can too, and why not let that person be me. So we are proper grinding and I gotta hand it to Gaz, this girl is hot. Long blonde hair, nice long legs shown off by a short dress. The boobs ain't huge but fuck it who wants more than a mouthful anyway. She got a nice tight ass as well (I know this because I am having a good grope as we grind).
It's about 1am, and Usher's new choooon is playing over the speakers. A few people are starting to flag though. Butters especially - he is sprawled out over two girls on the sofa. They don't look pleased about this. Trisha clearly see's that her party is coming to an end and takes me by the hand to kickstart our own party in her bedroom. She drags me down the hallway to where her bedroom is. I am thinking that I am def getting laid and that I am def going to horrible things to her tight ass! Then just as she pulls down the handle of her bedroom door I hear a very familiar voice, "Trish!" It's Gaz strolling out of the bathroom. Has he been in there all night? Has he been sick? Fuck knows, but he looks gone and he doesn't even notice I am there. He just walks up, shoves his tongue down Trish and then opens her bedroom door, pulls her in and shuts it in my face. Denied! Gaz just committed a burglary on me!
I end up going home with no pussy that night, just Daz helping me carry Butters. We can't be arsed to take him the whole way so just leave him at the Bobby Moore Statue and me and Daz go back to mine - Daz on the sofa of course, don't worry I don't roll that way!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Failing to score on and off the pitch - West Ham vs Bolton Wanderers
On The Pitch
Why the fuck can't we beat Bolton bloody Wanderers? It's Bolton...come on! 7times in a row we have lost to the team that take boring football to an art form.
To be fair, as Mr Grant keeps claiming, we didn't play badly, especially in the first half - we are just incapable of bloody winning. I love the fact that The Hammers always give it a go and play some football, but sometimes I just wish we would go the Bolton route and just grind the fuck out of a game until we manage that win.
I think I am going to blame that bloody Bolton keeper with the name that is crazy, Jussi will do, saving all our bloody shots. I mean let's face it, Carlton cole's penalty was especially shit. What happened to that man? He was the hero of Upton not long ago, now he is...well, Carlton cole.
Poor Matty Upson though, the man is our rock, and if he is having an off game and scoring an own goal then you know we are fucked! When Chang-chin Lin assisted their goal hope was all but gone. Thank god Noble took the second penalty, step aside Mr Cole, bit of quality from Noble showed us that we could have hope this season.
Still wasn't enough and we are officially 0 for 2, I still have hope - I have to really - but let's ensure Bolton are the only team that remain known as a 'bogey team'
Off The Pitch
The night out that followed yesterday's footballing debacle was no better!
Following the game we wondered down to my flat, I live not far from Upton Park, and we began to drink our sorrows away. Giving our two cents on every fuck up on that pitch. How we could have won, how we will avoid the drop, and most importantly should Grant stay. Vodka Redbulls got passed around quickly and we tried to relieve our sorrows. Me, Gaz, Daz and Butters had gone to the game - all season ticket holders. We know a lot of people who follow West Ham almost as religiously as we do and we were preparing too meet up with them later tonight and have these exact same debates. These were almost like our practice debates.
Over the last week, Daz, Gaz and Butters have all agreed that they too shall take part in The Jersey Game. We are now all 24/7 on the pull. Tonight I am looking to scratch one off the list. I am on the hunt for either a Hammer girl (always dirrty totty) or a Bolton girl (hopefully more interesting than the team they support). We headed down Green Street to The Queens where we met the rest of the lads. Everyone was in there already, well on their way. I got in the first round and straight away ran my eyes around the bar. No one really took my fancy I must say. Just loadsa butch, pissed off Hammers fans with more tattoos then me. No one that could in anyway cheer me up! So after a few drinks, couple of rounds of 21, we headed into central. We went into Onanon's, where the cheap pussy goes. This proper dirrty looking barmaid comes up to us dressed in camoflage, she has two tequila bottles with her. We all do shots. Her tits are bursting out her top. We all do more shots. We then neck a beer, play a round of Yee-Haa! and by the end I am completely fucked.
It is about 1:30am when I spot her. Not long until closing time and I am so hammered I have no idea how I am even standing. I am pretty sure the phrase 'to be hammered' must come from nights out with the West Ham lads, we fucking go for it. I see her dancing away with her mates. A group of girls all in Bolton Wanderers shirts, all looking proper grim; except one. She is stunning. Long blonde hair, tight ass. Clearly no bra on under the top, it is white and her nipples are bursting out of it. Dirrty totty! I head straight over there, eyes fixed on the hot blonde. I burst through the rotters that she calls friends, I have no time for niceties with them. I grab this Trotter by the hips and push her towards me. My leg goes between hers and she is basically sitting on my thigh. I start grinding with her, staring into her eyes. She looks back at mine. This is it! I am well in here!
I wasn't...she then headbutted me. It knocked me back, I was fucking shocked. I then turned around to see my mates pissing themselves and then fists from big butch rotters wearing Bolton 'fucking' Wanderers shirts started pounding into me. Luckily the bouncers came quickly to my rescue, especially lucky as my friends were too busy rolling on the ground with laughter to help. I was then escorted off the premises, I say escorted - I mean thrown into an alley, with force. I then called a taxi and awoke this morning an unhappy man.
I got a phone call later that day. It was Gaz.
"Alright mate, just wanted to see how you doing after your action last night."
"Fuck off!"
"Also wanted to let you know I got some action of my own."
"Fuck off, with who?"
"That blonde tottie that hit you round the head"
"Bollox!"
"No mate, fact, she was quite nice after I went up and apologised on your behalf. Cheers for that opening mate, got me first shirt there!"
"Oh fuuuuck off!"
Gaz now pissing himself ended with, "Don't worry mate, we play them again this season - you still have a chance!"
What a Prick!
Why the fuck can't we beat Bolton bloody Wanderers? It's Bolton...come on! 7times in a row we have lost to the team that take boring football to an art form.
To be fair, as Mr Grant keeps claiming, we didn't play badly, especially in the first half - we are just incapable of bloody winning. I love the fact that The Hammers always give it a go and play some football, but sometimes I just wish we would go the Bolton route and just grind the fuck out of a game until we manage that win.
I think I am going to blame that bloody Bolton keeper with the name that is crazy, Jussi will do, saving all our bloody shots. I mean let's face it, Carlton cole's penalty was especially shit. What happened to that man? He was the hero of Upton not long ago, now he is...well, Carlton cole.
Poor Matty Upson though, the man is our rock, and if he is having an off game and scoring an own goal then you know we are fucked! When Chang-chin Lin assisted their goal hope was all but gone. Thank god Noble took the second penalty, step aside Mr Cole, bit of quality from Noble showed us that we could have hope this season.
Still wasn't enough and we are officially 0 for 2, I still have hope - I have to really - but let's ensure Bolton are the only team that remain known as a 'bogey team'
Off The Pitch
The night out that followed yesterday's footballing debacle was no better!
Following the game we wondered down to my flat, I live not far from Upton Park, and we began to drink our sorrows away. Giving our two cents on every fuck up on that pitch. How we could have won, how we will avoid the drop, and most importantly should Grant stay. Vodka Redbulls got passed around quickly and we tried to relieve our sorrows. Me, Gaz, Daz and Butters had gone to the game - all season ticket holders. We know a lot of people who follow West Ham almost as religiously as we do and we were preparing too meet up with them later tonight and have these exact same debates. These were almost like our practice debates.
Over the last week, Daz, Gaz and Butters have all agreed that they too shall take part in The Jersey Game. We are now all 24/7 on the pull. Tonight I am looking to scratch one off the list. I am on the hunt for either a Hammer girl (always dirrty totty) or a Bolton girl (hopefully more interesting than the team they support). We headed down Green Street to The Queens where we met the rest of the lads. Everyone was in there already, well on their way. I got in the first round and straight away ran my eyes around the bar. No one really took my fancy I must say. Just loadsa butch, pissed off Hammers fans with more tattoos then me. No one that could in anyway cheer me up! So after a few drinks, couple of rounds of 21, we headed into central. We went into Onanon's, where the cheap pussy goes. This proper dirrty looking barmaid comes up to us dressed in camoflage, she has two tequila bottles with her. We all do shots. Her tits are bursting out her top. We all do more shots. We then neck a beer, play a round of Yee-Haa! and by the end I am completely fucked.
It is about 1:30am when I spot her. Not long until closing time and I am so hammered I have no idea how I am even standing. I am pretty sure the phrase 'to be hammered' must come from nights out with the West Ham lads, we fucking go for it. I see her dancing away with her mates. A group of girls all in Bolton Wanderers shirts, all looking proper grim; except one. She is stunning. Long blonde hair, tight ass. Clearly no bra on under the top, it is white and her nipples are bursting out of it. Dirrty totty! I head straight over there, eyes fixed on the hot blonde. I burst through the rotters that she calls friends, I have no time for niceties with them. I grab this Trotter by the hips and push her towards me. My leg goes between hers and she is basically sitting on my thigh. I start grinding with her, staring into her eyes. She looks back at mine. This is it! I am well in here!
I wasn't...she then headbutted me. It knocked me back, I was fucking shocked. I then turned around to see my mates pissing themselves and then fists from big butch rotters wearing Bolton 'fucking' Wanderers shirts started pounding into me. Luckily the bouncers came quickly to my rescue, especially lucky as my friends were too busy rolling on the ground with laughter to help. I was then escorted off the premises, I say escorted - I mean thrown into an alley, with force. I then called a taxi and awoke this morning an unhappy man.
I got a phone call later that day. It was Gaz.
"Alright mate, just wanted to see how you doing after your action last night."
"Fuck off!"
"Also wanted to let you know I got some action of my own."
"Fuck off, with who?"
"That blonde tottie that hit you round the head"
"Bollox!"
"No mate, fact, she was quite nice after I went up and apologised on your behalf. Cheers for that opening mate, got me first shirt there!"
"Oh fuuuuck off!"
Gaz now pissing himself ended with, "Don't worry mate, we play them again this season - you still have a chance!"
What a Prick!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Dismal Kick Off Premier League Season, Shit Night Out - The Birth of The Jersey Game
So the English Premier League has kicked off once again, season 2010-2011 is officially under way, another chapter of my life begins (yes my life is catergorised by Premier Leauge season, as every mans life should be), but sadly another chapter starts in misery. Not only was the World Cup in South Africa possibly the most disappointing display an England team has ever put on in my life time, but my beloved West Ham United have only gone and fucking followed suit. What a joke! I been bloody looking forward to this season for ages, hoping that it might provide the ray of sunshine to drag me out of the duldrum that was the World Cup. And when Martin O'Neill (ex Aston Villa Manager) packed his bags and left I really thought we could get off to a good start this year. Aston Villa on the first day, a club in turmoil, surely West Ham could knick a victory. But no! Of course not, three bloody nil! This season best not carry on like this otherwise you won't half get some angry rants from me! Not to mention my bloody life or death bet! What a joke! I am now seriously worried for my health...another chapter of my life, another miserable season!
After the game I could not feel any more annoyed, but I had one plus side going through my mind - a night out on Broad Street in Brum. I had travelled up to watch the game with my mate Gaz, the other lads couldn't get tickets, and I was certain we were going to drown our sorrows. I said to Gaz as we left the club, "I am going to get these Villains back - I am going to find a nice piece of Brum totty, preferably a Villa fan and then ram my cock right up her whilst she wears her Villa shirt".
Gaz fucking wet himself, "yeah bet you will mate" he fucking cackled his head off when he said that.
"Nah I fucking will mate, I am going to roger some Villa fan so hard she ain't walking straight tomorrow!" I said to him with anger and determination pouring out of my voice.
"Bollox!" Simple reply from what is frankly a simple man
"Telling ya mate, will be easy, there all be on the town on the proper piss tonight - match day is a garentee pussy day trust me, especially as the fuckers won!" Nearly even convinced myself then
"Alright!" Gaz started, "If you're so certain it is so easy to get laid after a match day, why don't you fucking prove it?" He had the smuggest fucking grin on his face so I knew he was getting to a point.
"I will fucking prove it," I was pretty much barking this at him, "I will fucking prove it tonight, I'll fucking a Villa fan - not only will I fuck her but I'll get right up her rotten as well!"
Gaz nearly rolled on the ground laughing now, "Bollox! And fuck that, not just tonight mate. If it was just tonight that might just be down to slutty Brummies - no no no, you my friend will have to prove it all season long."
"Well how the fuck am I meant to do that"
"The Jersey Game!"
"And what the fuck is The Jersey Game," I answered having a small idea considering the nature of the conversation I was in.
"Ah, The Jersey Game my friend is where you have one season to complete the challenge, of fucking a girl in every football strip. Everytime you fuck a girl whilst she wears a football shirt you win that shirt (not literally that would be theft), by the end of the season you should've won 20 shirts. The Jersey Game!"
I was feeling proper macho right now though, I was angry after the football, high on testosterone and desperate to prove Gaz was a thick twat that was wrong! "Fuck it! I'll do it"
So that night I hit the town, I had a new mission! I was going to fuck a bird whilst she wore a Villa shirt. We hit a club called the Custard Factory (which I was a little fucked off to find out had fuck all to do with custard), not quite on Broad Street but Gaz had heard it was a 'pilltastic' time. With this in mind, we swallowed some big fat munting E's before we went in and then hit the bar for some vod-bulls which were on offer. Before long we were both fucking munted and dancing like loons on the dancefloor! Then I spotted her, a prime piece of totty wearing a tight, Villa shirt which she had tied in a knot at the bottom so that her toned midriff was showing. She also had this short little denim skirt on. Target Spotted! I think I literally ran over to her with excitement, probably not the best entrance as I barged through the group of guys that surrounded her - any of them could have been her boyfriend, one of them was. I grabbed her by the arms and screamed "Dance with me!" and pulled her close to me! Clearly I was not at my smoothest! Then some big fucking guy grabs me and rips me off her and pulls me behind him, he was now between me and her. I looked at him in his big huge Villa shirt...it also showed his midriff but not quite as pleasant a site...this was a big beer bellied, tattooed Villa fan that had been downing some serious pintage all day. He looked at me and simply said "That's my bird mate." He said it in this fucking annoying Brummy accent and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Sorry mate, just wanted to fuck her ya know." I cackled.
"You what?" Getting even more high pitched in that annoying Brummy tone
"How did a lump like you get a piece of totty like that?" This was a mistake.
I now only remember seeing his very angry face, 4 chins wobbling with anger, and his big chubby fist swinging towards me. Then I remember bouncers literally throwing me out of the club and Gaz behind me.
Woke up this morning with a huge black eye to show for my troubles. Gaz also has some nice bruisers having apparently come to my aide! As we woke up in our tiny little travelodge room (more depressing then our night out) I turned to Gaz and said, "So that bet we made yesterday...The Jersey Game..."
"Still on mate"
"Bollox"
After the game I could not feel any more annoyed, but I had one plus side going through my mind - a night out on Broad Street in Brum. I had travelled up to watch the game with my mate Gaz, the other lads couldn't get tickets, and I was certain we were going to drown our sorrows. I said to Gaz as we left the club, "I am going to get these Villains back - I am going to find a nice piece of Brum totty, preferably a Villa fan and then ram my cock right up her whilst she wears her Villa shirt".
Gaz fucking wet himself, "yeah bet you will mate" he fucking cackled his head off when he said that.
"Nah I fucking will mate, I am going to roger some Villa fan so hard she ain't walking straight tomorrow!" I said to him with anger and determination pouring out of my voice.
"Bollox!" Simple reply from what is frankly a simple man
"Telling ya mate, will be easy, there all be on the town on the proper piss tonight - match day is a garentee pussy day trust me, especially as the fuckers won!" Nearly even convinced myself then
"Alright!" Gaz started, "If you're so certain it is so easy to get laid after a match day, why don't you fucking prove it?" He had the smuggest fucking grin on his face so I knew he was getting to a point.
"I will fucking prove it," I was pretty much barking this at him, "I will fucking prove it tonight, I'll fucking a Villa fan - not only will I fuck her but I'll get right up her rotten as well!"
Gaz nearly rolled on the ground laughing now, "Bollox! And fuck that, not just tonight mate. If it was just tonight that might just be down to slutty Brummies - no no no, you my friend will have to prove it all season long."
"Well how the fuck am I meant to do that"
"The Jersey Game!"
"And what the fuck is The Jersey Game," I answered having a small idea considering the nature of the conversation I was in.
"Ah, The Jersey Game my friend is where you have one season to complete the challenge, of fucking a girl in every football strip. Everytime you fuck a girl whilst she wears a football shirt you win that shirt (not literally that would be theft), by the end of the season you should've won 20 shirts. The Jersey Game!"
I was feeling proper macho right now though, I was angry after the football, high on testosterone and desperate to prove Gaz was a thick twat that was wrong! "Fuck it! I'll do it"
So that night I hit the town, I had a new mission! I was going to fuck a bird whilst she wore a Villa shirt. We hit a club called the Custard Factory (which I was a little fucked off to find out had fuck all to do with custard), not quite on Broad Street but Gaz had heard it was a 'pilltastic' time. With this in mind, we swallowed some big fat munting E's before we went in and then hit the bar for some vod-bulls which were on offer. Before long we were both fucking munted and dancing like loons on the dancefloor! Then I spotted her, a prime piece of totty wearing a tight, Villa shirt which she had tied in a knot at the bottom so that her toned midriff was showing. She also had this short little denim skirt on. Target Spotted! I think I literally ran over to her with excitement, probably not the best entrance as I barged through the group of guys that surrounded her - any of them could have been her boyfriend, one of them was. I grabbed her by the arms and screamed "Dance with me!" and pulled her close to me! Clearly I was not at my smoothest! Then some big fucking guy grabs me and rips me off her and pulls me behind him, he was now between me and her. I looked at him in his big huge Villa shirt...it also showed his midriff but not quite as pleasant a site...this was a big beer bellied, tattooed Villa fan that had been downing some serious pintage all day. He looked at me and simply said "That's my bird mate." He said it in this fucking annoying Brummy accent and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Sorry mate, just wanted to fuck her ya know." I cackled.
"You what?" Getting even more high pitched in that annoying Brummy tone
"How did a lump like you get a piece of totty like that?" This was a mistake.
I now only remember seeing his very angry face, 4 chins wobbling with anger, and his big chubby fist swinging towards me. Then I remember bouncers literally throwing me out of the club and Gaz behind me.
Woke up this morning with a huge black eye to show for my troubles. Gaz also has some nice bruisers having apparently come to my aide! As we woke up in our tiny little travelodge room (more depressing then our night out) I turned to Gaz and said, "So that bet we made yesterday...The Jersey Game..."
"Still on mate"
"Bollox"
Sunday, August 1, 2010
A New Bet...David Beckham: Could Goldenballs arrive? Could Plucky Parker leave?
A New Bet
I returned from South Africa a very scared man. I had made a stupid bet, I owed a lot of money, and now I would have to face the music. I got off the plane, with my equally hungover friends, and we shared a cab back into the East End. I returned home and crashed out on my sofa. I fell asleep instantly, but was woken within the hour. My door was bashed down and three huge men came running into my room, beat me to unconsciousness and then dragged me out of the flat. When I woke I was sitting tied to a chair; sitting across a nice wooden desk from the man I had sat across from not too many weeks before. It was him I had made the bet with, it was him I owed the money too. He asked me for it. I did not have it, I don't know why I ever expected to have it. He was not happy when I told him I had no money, but he was in know way suprised. He also, never expected me to have it. He was now going to do some very bad things to me. I had one out here, and I used it. I have now made a new bet. It is a double or nothing bet. If I lose I owe twice as much. If I win, I keep my life. I have now bet that West Ham United will not get relegated this season. The odds they will get relegated are around 3:1 by most bookies. Come on Hammers!! Do me this favour! If there is one thing in this world I have faith in, it's that the Hammers will always come through for me!
David Beckham: Could he arrive?
What a great coup that would be for the Hammers! David fucking Beckham playing in claret. He has denied the rumours but we can remain hopeful surely. If he wants to stay in the England squad, as he says he does, he really should move back to the Premier League and he could really shine at Upton Park. Beckham has leadership potential which could lift the entire team whilst at the same time has the skill to deliver results. Beckham is a great of British football and a Londoner at heart, I would happily watch him play for West Ham United.
Scott Parker: Please don't leave!
If I am going to win this bet, and West Ham United are going to stay up then they need to keep their best players. Scott Parker is certainly that. How he didn't get into the World Cup 2010 England Squad I do not know, but he bloody should have! He has been an unsung hero of all midfields he has been in and he has a leadership ability to match Beckhams. West Ham rejected Spurs' bid and I am grateful for it, Scott Parker can lead the team to good times this year and I will enjoy the ride!
I returned from South Africa a very scared man. I had made a stupid bet, I owed a lot of money, and now I would have to face the music. I got off the plane, with my equally hungover friends, and we shared a cab back into the East End. I returned home and crashed out on my sofa. I fell asleep instantly, but was woken within the hour. My door was bashed down and three huge men came running into my room, beat me to unconsciousness and then dragged me out of the flat. When I woke I was sitting tied to a chair; sitting across a nice wooden desk from the man I had sat across from not too many weeks before. It was him I had made the bet with, it was him I owed the money too. He asked me for it. I did not have it, I don't know why I ever expected to have it. He was not happy when I told him I had no money, but he was in know way suprised. He also, never expected me to have it. He was now going to do some very bad things to me. I had one out here, and I used it. I have now made a new bet. It is a double or nothing bet. If I lose I owe twice as much. If I win, I keep my life. I have now bet that West Ham United will not get relegated this season. The odds they will get relegated are around 3:1 by most bookies. Come on Hammers!! Do me this favour! If there is one thing in this world I have faith in, it's that the Hammers will always come through for me!
David Beckham: Could he arrive?
What a great coup that would be for the Hammers! David fucking Beckham playing in claret. He has denied the rumours but we can remain hopeful surely. If he wants to stay in the England squad, as he says he does, he really should move back to the Premier League and he could really shine at Upton Park. Beckham has leadership potential which could lift the entire team whilst at the same time has the skill to deliver results. Beckham is a great of British football and a Londoner at heart, I would happily watch him play for West Ham United.
Scott Parker: Please don't leave!
If I am going to win this bet, and West Ham United are going to stay up then they need to keep their best players. Scott Parker is certainly that. How he didn't get into the World Cup 2010 England Squad I do not know, but he bloody should have! He has been an unsung hero of all midfields he has been in and he has a leadership ability to match Beckhams. West Ham rejected Spurs' bid and I am grateful for it, Scott Parker can lead the team to good times this year and I will enjoy the ride!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Holland, Spain, Football, Psychic Octopus - Beautiful Day, Beautiful Game
I say beautiful day, I don't neccessarily mean weather wise but I definitely think it will live on as a beautiful day in the memory. Waking up with the memory of a room full of crazy dutch people mid-orgy was very good start! The Holland versus Uruguay game might have been dull, but the after party was not! Hup Holland Hup! was the cry...and I tell you what having a girl scream that as she rides you is fanFUCKINGtastic! Basically Gaz dragged us out with the Dutch bird he has been shagging...again apparently enjoys his pubeless cock! So we went along with her to this bar which was full of the Dutch, already partying as if they had won. Which of course they then did, thanks to a Mr. Robbe and a Mr. Sneijder! So the party then kicked off even more, any niggling worries that they wouldn't win were gone! The dutch bird Gaz was with (fuck knows her name, doubt he even knows) got absolutely wrecked and passed out in the pub...not before sucking off Gaz in the bog!
I ended up palling up with this bird Enid...proper Dutch name, love it!...me and her snuck off and went back to the hotel..took some serious coke that we bought off our favourite Affie helper in the hotel! Turns out that she gets uber horny when high, she basically ripped my clothes off and hopped on me...then she pretty much ripped off my cock as she shouted "Hup Holland Hup" whilst riding me! Was actually a quality fuck though...I let out the biggest grunt as I blew my load up her! Shit didn't use anything...hope I don't get what will now been known as the Gaz-rash.
Whilst I was laying on my bed gasping to get my breath back after having been vigorous fucked by a Dutch women with a penchant for nipple pinching, she got a text. She turned around to me with a big smile and said "Fancy coming for party!" Now I too thought that she just had bad English and was inviting me to a party, sadly she actually wanted me to 'cum for a party'...as in cum in front of a party of people! I followed her, completely blindly i swear, into a party at another hotel...this was a fetish party! Mental! Everyone was Dutch...except Butters! He was tied up butt naked on a bed in the middle of a room whilst loadsa leather-clad Dutch people were either passed out from drugs or mid-orgy around him!
"What the fuck Butters! What the fuck are you doing?" I said over the din (yes I said the word din...I am now middle aged!)
"Oh shit thank God your here!...Get me out of here!"
"Where are the others?"
"Copped off with women..mine bought me here...why are you here?"
"Yeah your judging me...nice!"
I started attempting to untie him when suddenly surrounded by three Dutch women, 1 of which was Erin, they all looked very angry. Two huge Dutch men then came up behind me, this might end badly...they had whips in their hands!
"Why do they have whips!" asked Butters desperately, "Get me out of here now!"
And that is what I did...I launched my head into one of the guys chests (mainly because I couldn't reach his head) and sent him back against a wall. I then launched my right fist and then my left into his mates face, knocking him down. Everyone looked at me shocked as I desperately untied Butters...loads of naked men pulled out their women and came as us with angry faces across their heads...and condoms hanging off their other heads! We both squirmed out the room, recieving a fair few inadvertant cock slaps on our way out!
So that was an interesting end to that night. Turns our Gaz and Daz ended up having the same woman not two different...apparently they tried hard not to cross swords so fair play...Dutch are fucking weird!!
It is for that reason I now want the Spanish to win! And I don't give a shit what Paul the Psychic octopus fucking says before the next game! Wish he was there when I was making my ridiculous bet! Oracle my arse! Still glad the Spanish beat the fucking Krauts...just to shut people up! "Ohhh they are playing too pretty football" - how on earth can you play too pretty football...how can you be too good at the game to score, fuck off if only England could string half as many passes together!
I ended up palling up with this bird Enid...proper Dutch name, love it!...me and her snuck off and went back to the hotel..took some serious coke that we bought off our favourite Affie helper in the hotel! Turns out that she gets uber horny when high, she basically ripped my clothes off and hopped on me...then she pretty much ripped off my cock as she shouted "Hup Holland Hup" whilst riding me! Was actually a quality fuck though...I let out the biggest grunt as I blew my load up her! Shit didn't use anything...hope I don't get what will now been known as the Gaz-rash.
Whilst I was laying on my bed gasping to get my breath back after having been vigorous fucked by a Dutch women with a penchant for nipple pinching, she got a text. She turned around to me with a big smile and said "Fancy coming for party!" Now I too thought that she just had bad English and was inviting me to a party, sadly she actually wanted me to 'cum for a party'...as in cum in front of a party of people! I followed her, completely blindly i swear, into a party at another hotel...this was a fetish party! Mental! Everyone was Dutch...except Butters! He was tied up butt naked on a bed in the middle of a room whilst loadsa leather-clad Dutch people were either passed out from drugs or mid-orgy around him!
"What the fuck Butters! What the fuck are you doing?" I said over the din (yes I said the word din...I am now middle aged!)
"Oh shit thank God your here!...Get me out of here!"
"Where are the others?"
"Copped off with women..mine bought me here...why are you here?"
"Yeah your judging me...nice!"
I started attempting to untie him when suddenly surrounded by three Dutch women, 1 of which was Erin, they all looked very angry. Two huge Dutch men then came up behind me, this might end badly...they had whips in their hands!
"Why do they have whips!" asked Butters desperately, "Get me out of here now!"
And that is what I did...I launched my head into one of the guys chests (mainly because I couldn't reach his head) and sent him back against a wall. I then launched my right fist and then my left into his mates face, knocking him down. Everyone looked at me shocked as I desperately untied Butters...loads of naked men pulled out their women and came as us with angry faces across their heads...and condoms hanging off their other heads! We both squirmed out the room, recieving a fair few inadvertant cock slaps on our way out!
So that was an interesting end to that night. Turns our Gaz and Daz ended up having the same woman not two different...apparently they tried hard not to cross swords so fair play...Dutch are fucking weird!!
It is for that reason I now want the Spanish to win! And I don't give a shit what Paul the Psychic octopus fucking says before the next game! Wish he was there when I was making my ridiculous bet! Oracle my arse! Still glad the Spanish beat the fucking Krauts...just to shut people up! "Ohhh they are playing too pretty football" - how on earth can you play too pretty football...how can you be too good at the game to score, fuck off if only England could string half as many passes together!
Monday, July 5, 2010
World Cup 2010: The Netherlands Football Party has already started
The party here has already started, the warm up to the big game! And I ain't talking about these semi-finals...the Netherlands ain't worried about them - they are already partying for being in the World Cup Final. They are taking it bloody easy, no Suarez, why not assume they will win. I am sure Mr. Forlan will be a thorn in their side, but I am also sure they are going to breeze by. As are they seemingly. The party last night was wild and I only just got in for another one. There aren't many of us Brits left I must admit, and there ain't too many over nations around. The Germans still here of course, the Uruguayan's (if that's what they are called) are loving it, and the Spanish - well who doesn't love a senorita. But it is the dutch who are proper partying. I think they have that feeling, maybe this is their year! As a Brit, I know 'that feeling' is usually a lie - I don't see why the British ever get that feeling!
They have been going crazy!! Gaz is currently in one Dutch birds room right now! She was crazy though, proper tart - orange clothes, orange skin! She kept flashing us her orange thong, it says a lot about us that this actually impressed us! But Gaz was the one that got her suitably coked up in order to get back to hers. I hope for his sake she is as dirty as she seems.
They have been going crazy!! Gaz is currently in one Dutch birds room right now! She was crazy though, proper tart - orange clothes, orange skin! She kept flashing us her orange thong, it says a lot about us that this actually impressed us! But Gaz was the one that got her suitably coked up in order to get back to hers. I hope for his sake she is as dirty as she seems.
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Larissa Riquelme my new favourite star of World Cup 2010
So I woke up this morning, the first time in a long time with a clear head. The hangover had gone and the shits have stopped. I am now able to function again! Still no sign of the other lads though! I finally leave my disgusting, smelly bedroom and wander down to the pool. Still no sign of them! I walk into the lobby to see Butters sitting there with just a sock on his cock for clothing, black marker writing all over him, and dribble pouring from his mouth. He was gone, the boy was asleep and completely out of it. I looked over the receptionist, gorgeous little Affie bird! She just gave me a knowing smile and turned away. I then slapped Butters around the face, fucking hard I must say - the Affie receptionist jumped and yelped, the slap was that loud. Butters fucking jumped out his chair ready to throw some punches - being finally of clear mind, and Butters being completely fucked still - I was able to simply move out the way of his fist and push him back on the chair.
"Butters you wanker! It's me!"
"Oh, alright mate?"
"Where the fuck have you been?"
"I have been at some mental Uruguay party...fucking crazy...they made huge hands and were trying to drink using huge hands...the Valdez drinking game - if you dropped any you were out and had to down a dirty pint...they are mental mate!"
Butters went on to explain to me what had been happening over the last few days, where they had all been and what I had got up to! It would seem that all our worries about Butters going over board were misdirected, it was me that had gone crazy. The night of the England vs Germany game, and the subsequent demolishing of my World Cup hopes I had gone mental! I had got into a complete drunken and drug fueled craze that night, so much so that I really started to piss them all off when I was demanding to go find hookers (Gaz is not so up for this activity any more). Apparently I was certain it was the pick me up that we all needed! In the end they told me to go off and do it my fucking self, which I assume I did given the state of my yesterday. I will add, today I have proactively been to the toilet and wait the results tomorrow - I am sure I will be fine! I hope!
"Look at the fucking jugs on this one!" shouted Gaz as he strolled in, interupting Butters telling me how they had seen me around the hotel the last few days but I was on such a mind-warp I barely acknowledged them as I downed another pint or snoted another line, or welcomed another hooker - apparently there was 3!
"She is fucking beautiful!" Daz added intellectually.
The both had newspapers held open in front of them as they walked in.
"Apparently she was going to strip if Paraguay won the tournament! Well now I really hate those fucking Spics!" Gaz said in a childish manner of disbelief.
"Whose that then?" Butters asked as he climed out the sofa, seemingly unashamed that all he had on was a sock over his cock and he was covered in writing.
"Woahhh what the fuck!" Gaz jumped back surprised to see Butters in such a state (apparently they went to seperate parties last night). On the plus side Gaz dropped his paper as he jumped back and it landed open on my feet and with that I saw the lady of my dreams.
Larissa Riquelme - Not only a stunning lingerie model, but a football fan as well! She had promised to streak around a football pitch if Paraguay lifted the cup, she has been spotted celebrating with the crowds in Paraguay throughout - she also has amazing jubblies! I now love this women and must one day meet her! It was over our mutual love for Larissa Riquelme (I like to say the whole name) that I re-bonded with my mates, and assured them I was now over England's loss. I also told them about the bet, how much money I owed, and the threatening texts I has recieved. This made the lads understand my drunken downfall a lot more. They agree though...I am really fucked!
"Butters you wanker! It's me!"
"Oh, alright mate?"
"Where the fuck have you been?"
"I have been at some mental Uruguay party...fucking crazy...they made huge hands and were trying to drink using huge hands...the Valdez drinking game - if you dropped any you were out and had to down a dirty pint...they are mental mate!"
Butters went on to explain to me what had been happening over the last few days, where they had all been and what I had got up to! It would seem that all our worries about Butters going over board were misdirected, it was me that had gone crazy. The night of the England vs Germany game, and the subsequent demolishing of my World Cup hopes I had gone mental! I had got into a complete drunken and drug fueled craze that night, so much so that I really started to piss them all off when I was demanding to go find hookers (Gaz is not so up for this activity any more). Apparently I was certain it was the pick me up that we all needed! In the end they told me to go off and do it my fucking self, which I assume I did given the state of my yesterday. I will add, today I have proactively been to the toilet and wait the results tomorrow - I am sure I will be fine! I hope!
"Look at the fucking jugs on this one!" shouted Gaz as he strolled in, interupting Butters telling me how they had seen me around the hotel the last few days but I was on such a mind-warp I barely acknowledged them as I downed another pint or snoted another line, or welcomed another hooker - apparently there was 3!
"She is fucking beautiful!" Daz added intellectually.
The both had newspapers held open in front of them as they walked in.
"Apparently she was going to strip if Paraguay won the tournament! Well now I really hate those fucking Spics!" Gaz said in a childish manner of disbelief.
"Whose that then?" Butters asked as he climed out the sofa, seemingly unashamed that all he had on was a sock over his cock and he was covered in writing.
"Woahhh what the fuck!" Gaz jumped back surprised to see Butters in such a state (apparently they went to seperate parties last night). On the plus side Gaz dropped his paper as he jumped back and it landed open on my feet and with that I saw the lady of my dreams.
Larissa Riquelme - Not only a stunning lingerie model, but a football fan as well! She had promised to streak around a football pitch if Paraguay lifted the cup, she has been spotted celebrating with the crowds in Paraguay throughout - she also has amazing jubblies! I now love this women and must one day meet her! It was over our mutual love for Larissa Riquelme (I like to say the whole name) that I re-bonded with my mates, and assured them I was now over England's loss. I also told them about the bet, how much money I owed, and the threatening texts I has recieved. This made the lads understand my drunken downfall a lot more. They agree though...I am really fucked!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
World Cup 2010: The Backlash of England's defeat, the Joy of the Germans
So I am sorry it has been a while since my last message...I must say I have not reacted well to England's defeat. Well to be fair, would you have if you had all I had riding on this. I have essentially fallen into an uncontrollable drunken and drugged up mess...living it up in S.Africa as if it is my last days, which essentially it is. The only thing that has broken up my drink and drug binge is fucking and football...the two most important f's!! and to be fair, the binge has often carried on through them! Orgasms on E...my new favourite thing!
Well at least we now all know why England were soo shit...and they did take shit too a whole new level! Though good to see Argentina get completely wanked over as well! We aren't the only team the Germans have thrashed, though it does now mean the two teams I backed for winning the bloody thing have bombed out! Don't ever listen to me! So yeah the rumours have been flying around recently about the sack of spuds that we call our national football team. Word is (and I feel I should re-iterate that these are pure rumours gathered in pubs full of drunken and annoyed England fans), Wayne Rooney was in Rio Ferdinand's restaurant the day before the game and well the News of The World got photos of him 'doing' things that he should not have! Things he has been caught doing before! There are also rumours surrounding the captain, mr 'stevie g' - dickhead that he is - being the third choice for captain doesn't leave him in good stead but when rumours arise of him 'doing' things that he should not be, this can only bring down his authority more. Which supposedly it did with first class prick John Terry deciding that if he had his captaincy taken away so should Gerrard - think about it Terry, it weren't a fucking team mates bird (just a relatives apparently)! I say again these are vicious rumours...but christ they didn't half play like something was on their minds!
All the time they are having the time of their fucking lives, well done for leaving the WAGs at home Capello that worked loads didn't it, I have had about 50 texts from Big John back in London - he wants his money the day of my return! I have no money! I have a plane ticket back home and a shit load of coke! I plan to snort every last bit of the coke through my rolled up ticket!
So as I mentioned I woke up today and noticed the room is a fucking shambles, I am a little worried about what has happened to Daz, Gaz and Butters - no sign at all. All that is in the room is a shit load of used condoms...a message written in lipstick on the mirror saying "Great fuck! Thanks x x " - this makes me grin like a chimp! There are half done lines of coke on every fucking surface...shambles of money strewn across the room (I really hope I didn't fuck an Aid's hooker!)...and no sign of anyone else. And I can barely remember anything after the E I dropped after the Germany game. I remember fucking this black beauty at one point!! Pointy tiny nipples is the memory that most stands out! We were on E so assume that was the first night, and assume that was her lipstick! You might say I am a little calm, to be fair - those three are probably out pissed now. I have stayed in on a recovery day today, watched the football and exploded into the toilet all day! I need a plan of how to find those guys and then what to do about Big John!
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Well at least we now all know why England were soo shit...and they did take shit too a whole new level! Though good to see Argentina get completely wanked over as well! We aren't the only team the Germans have thrashed, though it does now mean the two teams I backed for winning the bloody thing have bombed out! Don't ever listen to me! So yeah the rumours have been flying around recently about the sack of spuds that we call our national football team. Word is (and I feel I should re-iterate that these are pure rumours gathered in pubs full of drunken and annoyed England fans), Wayne Rooney was in Rio Ferdinand's restaurant the day before the game and well the News of The World got photos of him 'doing' things that he should not have! Things he has been caught doing before! There are also rumours surrounding the captain, mr 'stevie g' - dickhead that he is - being the third choice for captain doesn't leave him in good stead but when rumours arise of him 'doing' things that he should not be, this can only bring down his authority more. Which supposedly it did with first class prick John Terry deciding that if he had his captaincy taken away so should Gerrard - think about it Terry, it weren't a fucking team mates bird (just a relatives apparently)! I say again these are vicious rumours...but christ they didn't half play like something was on their minds!
All the time they are having the time of their fucking lives, well done for leaving the WAGs at home Capello that worked loads didn't it, I have had about 50 texts from Big John back in London - he wants his money the day of my return! I have no money! I have a plane ticket back home and a shit load of coke! I plan to snort every last bit of the coke through my rolled up ticket!
So as I mentioned I woke up today and noticed the room is a fucking shambles, I am a little worried about what has happened to Daz, Gaz and Butters - no sign at all. All that is in the room is a shit load of used condoms...a message written in lipstick on the mirror saying "Great fuck! Thanks x x " - this makes me grin like a chimp! There are half done lines of coke on every fucking surface...shambles of money strewn across the room (I really hope I didn't fuck an Aid's hooker!)...and no sign of anyone else. And I can barely remember anything after the E I dropped after the Germany game. I remember fucking this black beauty at one point!! Pointy tiny nipples is the memory that most stands out! We were on E so assume that was the first night, and assume that was her lipstick! You might say I am a little calm, to be fair - those three are probably out pissed now. I have stayed in on a recovery day today, watched the football and exploded into the toilet all day! I need a plan of how to find those guys and then what to do about Big John!
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