So I am sorry it has been a while since my last message...I must say I have not reacted well to England's defeat. Well to be fair, would you have if you had all I had riding on this. I have essentially fallen into an uncontrollable drunken and drugged up mess...living it up in S.Africa as if it is my last days, which essentially it is. The only thing that has broken up my drink and drug binge is fucking and football...the two most important f's!! and to be fair, the binge has often carried on through them! Orgasms on E...my new favourite thing!
Well at least we now all know why England were soo shit...and they did take shit too a whole new level! Though good to see Argentina get completely wanked over as well! We aren't the only team the Germans have thrashed, though it does now mean the two teams I backed for winning the bloody thing have bombed out! Don't ever listen to me! So yeah the rumours have been flying around recently about the sack of spuds that we call our national football team. Word is (and I feel I should re-iterate that these are pure rumours gathered in pubs full of drunken and annoyed England fans), Wayne Rooney was in Rio Ferdinand's restaurant the day before the game and well the News of The World got photos of him 'doing' things that he should not have! Things he has been caught doing before! There are also rumours surrounding the captain, mr 'stevie g' - dickhead that he is - being the third choice for captain doesn't leave him in good stead but when rumours arise of him 'doing' things that he should not be, this can only bring down his authority more. Which supposedly it did with first class prick John Terry deciding that if he had his captaincy taken away so should Gerrard - think about it Terry, it weren't a fucking team mates bird (just a relatives apparently)! I say again these are vicious rumours...but christ they didn't half play like something was on their minds!
All the time they are having the time of their fucking lives, well done for leaving the WAGs at home Capello that worked loads didn't it, I have had about 50 texts from Big John back in London - he wants his money the day of my return! I have no money! I have a plane ticket back home and a shit load of coke! I plan to snort every last bit of the coke through my rolled up ticket!
So as I mentioned I woke up today and noticed the room is a fucking shambles, I am a little worried about what has happened to Daz, Gaz and Butters - no sign at all. All that is in the room is a shit load of used condoms...a message written in lipstick on the mirror saying "Great fuck! Thanks x x " - this makes me grin like a chimp! There are half done lines of coke on every fucking surface...shambles of money strewn across the room (I really hope I didn't fuck an Aid's hooker!)...and no sign of anyone else. And I can barely remember anything after the E I dropped after the Germany game. I remember fucking this black beauty at one point!! Pointy tiny nipples is the memory that most stands out! We were on E so assume that was the first night, and assume that was her lipstick! You might say I am a little calm, to be fair - those three are probably out pissed now. I have stayed in on a recovery day today, watched the football and exploded into the toilet all day! I need a plan of how to find those guys and then what to do about Big John!
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Showing posts with label germany. Show all posts
Showing posts with label germany. Show all posts
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Saturday, June 26, 2010
The Group Stage Hangover: A.K.A Dildos, Coke and World Cup Magic
Oh my days the sun in S.Africa is destroying my eyes! It is burning my soul and reminding me of the ways I have degraded myself over the last couple of days! Sorry I have not posted in a couple of days, but frankly I have been going rather crazy! England are through and we had to celebrate! And we fucking well did!!
So I went and found my bird! I pulled this New Zealand chick, if I had of known they were so fucking mental maybe I wouldn't have! Me, Butters, Daz and Gaz hit the town. Daz eye was not so swollen any more, my bruising had pretty much gone, Gaz's STD had been taken care of(and he had decided no pubes made him look bigger) and Butter was still red as a fucking beetroot but determined to drink away the pain. He hit it harder than any of us that night. When Butters hits it, it is harder than anyone else I know. After the Krauts went through Gaz walked in the room and shouted "The Krauts are through! Lets go have a fucking barney!" So we each snorted a line of the good stuff and then walked out into the town to what was becoming our local bar. We had been in there drinking all day and when we walked back in, already rowdy as the coke made our brains zing, the barmaid smiled and pulled four pints - didn't even have to ask! Butter's turned round and said, "oi love, get us four jaeger and buzzers will ya" - we then did four jaegerbombs and chased it with our Larger. We stayed in there and drank for about an hour, by time we left I was already feeling it. I was struggling not to fall over and my words were slurring. We then walked into the main street and jumped into this packed bar. It was full of drunken Krauts and raudy Brits. The Krauts on one side singing their shoddy national anthem, and the Brits on the other banging out the English national anthem. I looked at Gaz, he looked back at me - we knew this night was going to be massive. I strolled right up to the bar and said "four sambucca's and four snakebite please love" - the foolish barmaid had no idea what I was on about! I had to explain to her what a snakebite was but still she made a fucking good one and she had lovely tits so I weren't too bothered. Sitting next to me was this right hot lass, she had legs that ran all the way up! Her dress was just short enough to make you think you might get a glimpse of ass if she bent over wrong way. Her tits were bulging out of it an all! Just looking at her my cock was straining against my boxers, I could feel my cum bubbling desperate to squirt on her tits! She was laughing at me struggling to explain what a snakebite is. "Are you laughing at me?" I said, perhaps in a tone a bit more brash than charming.
"Who do you think I am laughing at you fucking pom," she laughed as she revealed her New Zealand accent and got up out her seat and went and sat at a table surrounded by other lads. The table was right in the middle of the bar, the barrier between the English and the Germans. That was a brave fucking place to sit. As she walked off I stared at her ass shake and my balls ached with excitement. Fuck it I was gonna have her that night. I did my shot of sambucca, downed half 1 of the pints then picked up the tray of drinks and slammed it down on the New Zealand table. My friends didn't even notice I had gone, they were already helping themselves to a pitcher the British lads had shared with them and were currently screaming something about "VINDALOO!"
"Help yourselves boys" I arrogantly said as I put the drinks down.
"Oi pom, don't think you're gonna have 'er mate, she is one of us!" said this hench new zealand lad. I could tell they were from New Zealand because they all had fucking rugby shirts on, All Black shirts.
"Don't worry mate, just want to have a good night." I replied and I pulled some Es I'd bought of our favourite hotel Affie out my pocket.
That is the last of the covnersation that I remember. The next thing I remember is a fuzzy image of dancing with the blonde, her fit ass grinding my body, my rock hard cock desperate to bulge out my jeans and she rubbed against it!
Then I remember her shoving her tongue down my throat as we staggered out the club! I remember we stumbled back to mine, pulling the whole way back, I kept grabbing her tits and pulling them out her dress down the street. By the time we were back at the hotel she had one tit hanging out, and her skirt was ridden up so everyone could she her thong. I remember trying to get into my room but I could hear Gaz going at it with some bird inside...the girl seemed to be shouting something in German!
That is all I remember of the night. The next morning I woke up in a hotel room which I can only assume was hers. The sheets were strewn across the room, she was laying on the balcony naked with a fag in her mouth, had she even been to sleep? There was a dildo laying on the pillow next to me, it smelt (not of cum but of shit). there were johnnies everywhere but my cock also was moist and reaked of pussy - I had definitely gone bareback on her at somepoint! My back was sore, she had scratched my back and slapped my ass red. She noticed I was awake and strolled in, she was limping slightly, we must have done some mental shit last night. "You best go mate, my mates got in trouble last night I gotta go help them out"
"Right...ok, what happened with us last night?" I said looking around the torn up, cum splattered room.
"Lets just say you learnt a few new things." She said with a right cheeky little grin.
"Yeah well cheers love I said," and I got up to leave not really sure who had used who, had we just had a mutual fuck - Not sure that exists, not in Britain anyway.
"Oi, you going to leave your new friend here?" She asked whilst waving the shit streaked rampant rabbit at me as I bent over to pick up my shoes. As I bent over I had a sudden realisation, my ass abosultely cained! I now know what happened with that dildo. I looked at her with a grin, what a fucking awesome night!
Next day I rocked back up at the hotel. The lads and some German bird were sitting round a table by the pool drinking cocktails and having a right greesy fry up. "Whose the chick?" I asked, to hungover to care how rude I was being.
"My new German buddy," replied Gaz.
"She's the fucking enemy mate, on Sunday it's us versus them remember!" I responsed in an appalled voice.
"Oh yeah...see ya love" and with that gaz just picked up his fry-up and cocktail and walked round the pool into the hotel. Daz, me and Butters looked at eachother, shrugged and got up as well. We went down our 'local'; they pulled us our usual four largers and we settled in to tell eachother of the night before and watch Brazil versus Portugal. Turns out Butters and Daz had met up with my Bird's New Zealand mates and had a bit of a barney. They were shouting at them asking where me and her were. They just said fuck off and through a glass at them. Big fight broke out, police intervened. Daz and Butters sneak off round the back and the New Zealand lot go proper at it with the coppers.
We could not be more let down by the Brazil game. Glimpses of magic but not what we hoped. We then watched Spain fail to live up to their hype. Same glimpses but know sustained magic. And with that the Group stages were done. I have still got the Argies down as winning the whole thing, although I hope it is us. That bet still looms in the back of my mind. The trouble I will be in if we lose, the glory I will be in if we win. I have to go proper at it for the rest of the tournament, living large everynight, cos fuck it - if we don't win this fucking tournament I might be a fucking dead man.
Predictions for the second round - if your a betting man, which I would encourage, I would go for these. Uruguay 2 South Korea 1, U.S.A 2 Ghana 1, Germany 1 England 1 (we win on fucking penalties!), Argentina 1 Mexico 1, Netherlands 2 Slovakia 0, Brazil 3 Chile 0, Paraguay 2 Japan 1, Spain 2 Portugal 1.
It is going to be fucking awesome!
Follow my drunken updates on Twitter here.
So I went and found my bird! I pulled this New Zealand chick, if I had of known they were so fucking mental maybe I wouldn't have! Me, Butters, Daz and Gaz hit the town. Daz eye was not so swollen any more, my bruising had pretty much gone, Gaz's STD had been taken care of(and he had decided no pubes made him look bigger) and Butter was still red as a fucking beetroot but determined to drink away the pain. He hit it harder than any of us that night. When Butters hits it, it is harder than anyone else I know. After the Krauts went through Gaz walked in the room and shouted "The Krauts are through! Lets go have a fucking barney!" So we each snorted a line of the good stuff and then walked out into the town to what was becoming our local bar. We had been in there drinking all day and when we walked back in, already rowdy as the coke made our brains zing, the barmaid smiled and pulled four pints - didn't even have to ask! Butter's turned round and said, "oi love, get us four jaeger and buzzers will ya" - we then did four jaegerbombs and chased it with our Larger. We stayed in there and drank for about an hour, by time we left I was already feeling it. I was struggling not to fall over and my words were slurring. We then walked into the main street and jumped into this packed bar. It was full of drunken Krauts and raudy Brits. The Krauts on one side singing their shoddy national anthem, and the Brits on the other banging out the English national anthem. I looked at Gaz, he looked back at me - we knew this night was going to be massive. I strolled right up to the bar and said "four sambucca's and four snakebite please love" - the foolish barmaid had no idea what I was on about! I had to explain to her what a snakebite was but still she made a fucking good one and she had lovely tits so I weren't too bothered. Sitting next to me was this right hot lass, she had legs that ran all the way up! Her dress was just short enough to make you think you might get a glimpse of ass if she bent over wrong way. Her tits were bulging out of it an all! Just looking at her my cock was straining against my boxers, I could feel my cum bubbling desperate to squirt on her tits! She was laughing at me struggling to explain what a snakebite is. "Are you laughing at me?" I said, perhaps in a tone a bit more brash than charming.
"Who do you think I am laughing at you fucking pom," she laughed as she revealed her New Zealand accent and got up out her seat and went and sat at a table surrounded by other lads. The table was right in the middle of the bar, the barrier between the English and the Germans. That was a brave fucking place to sit. As she walked off I stared at her ass shake and my balls ached with excitement. Fuck it I was gonna have her that night. I did my shot of sambucca, downed half 1 of the pints then picked up the tray of drinks and slammed it down on the New Zealand table. My friends didn't even notice I had gone, they were already helping themselves to a pitcher the British lads had shared with them and were currently screaming something about "VINDALOO!"
"Help yourselves boys" I arrogantly said as I put the drinks down.
"Oi pom, don't think you're gonna have 'er mate, she is one of us!" said this hench new zealand lad. I could tell they were from New Zealand because they all had fucking rugby shirts on, All Black shirts.
"Don't worry mate, just want to have a good night." I replied and I pulled some Es I'd bought of our favourite hotel Affie out my pocket.
That is the last of the covnersation that I remember. The next thing I remember is a fuzzy image of dancing with the blonde, her fit ass grinding my body, my rock hard cock desperate to bulge out my jeans and she rubbed against it!
Then I remember her shoving her tongue down my throat as we staggered out the club! I remember we stumbled back to mine, pulling the whole way back, I kept grabbing her tits and pulling them out her dress down the street. By the time we were back at the hotel she had one tit hanging out, and her skirt was ridden up so everyone could she her thong. I remember trying to get into my room but I could hear Gaz going at it with some bird inside...the girl seemed to be shouting something in German!
That is all I remember of the night. The next morning I woke up in a hotel room which I can only assume was hers. The sheets were strewn across the room, she was laying on the balcony naked with a fag in her mouth, had she even been to sleep? There was a dildo laying on the pillow next to me, it smelt (not of cum but of shit). there were johnnies everywhere but my cock also was moist and reaked of pussy - I had definitely gone bareback on her at somepoint! My back was sore, she had scratched my back and slapped my ass red. She noticed I was awake and strolled in, she was limping slightly, we must have done some mental shit last night. "You best go mate, my mates got in trouble last night I gotta go help them out"
"Right...ok, what happened with us last night?" I said looking around the torn up, cum splattered room.
"Lets just say you learnt a few new things." She said with a right cheeky little grin.
"Yeah well cheers love I said," and I got up to leave not really sure who had used who, had we just had a mutual fuck - Not sure that exists, not in Britain anyway.
"Oi, you going to leave your new friend here?" She asked whilst waving the shit streaked rampant rabbit at me as I bent over to pick up my shoes. As I bent over I had a sudden realisation, my ass abosultely cained! I now know what happened with that dildo. I looked at her with a grin, what a fucking awesome night!
Next day I rocked back up at the hotel. The lads and some German bird were sitting round a table by the pool drinking cocktails and having a right greesy fry up. "Whose the chick?" I asked, to hungover to care how rude I was being.
"My new German buddy," replied Gaz.
"She's the fucking enemy mate, on Sunday it's us versus them remember!" I responsed in an appalled voice.
"Oh yeah...see ya love" and with that gaz just picked up his fry-up and cocktail and walked round the pool into the hotel. Daz, me and Butters looked at eachother, shrugged and got up as well. We went down our 'local'; they pulled us our usual four largers and we settled in to tell eachother of the night before and watch Brazil versus Portugal. Turns out Butters and Daz had met up with my Bird's New Zealand mates and had a bit of a barney. They were shouting at them asking where me and her were. They just said fuck off and through a glass at them. Big fight broke out, police intervened. Daz and Butters sneak off round the back and the New Zealand lot go proper at it with the coppers.
We could not be more let down by the Brazil game. Glimpses of magic but not what we hoped. We then watched Spain fail to live up to their hype. Same glimpses but know sustained magic. And with that the Group stages were done. I have still got the Argies down as winning the whole thing, although I hope it is us. That bet still looms in the back of my mind. The trouble I will be in if we lose, the glory I will be in if we win. I have to go proper at it for the rest of the tournament, living large everynight, cos fuck it - if we don't win this fucking tournament I might be a fucking dead man.
Predictions for the second round - if your a betting man, which I would encourage, I would go for these. Uruguay 2 South Korea 1, U.S.A 2 Ghana 1, Germany 1 England 1 (we win on fucking penalties!), Argentina 1 Mexico 1, Netherlands 2 Slovakia 0, Brazil 3 Chile 0, Paraguay 2 Japan 1, Spain 2 Portugal 1.
It is going to be fucking awesome!
Follow my drunken updates on Twitter here.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
England Are Bloody Through in World Cup 2010!
Yes we are bloody through! We always do it the hard way but we get there in the end! Now bring on the Krauts! it has been absolutely mental since that first goal! Sitting there all tense we were, scared off our bollox! I had my bet in the back of my head the whole time! Still can't believe I made it! But as soon as that goal went in we went absolutely ape shit! Fucking Jermaine Defoe! I been saying whole time that he should be in the bloody team! As soon as that goal went in the pints got downed, the shots got bought and the coke got snorted! We knew we were going through and we fucking went for it! Mind you that only lasted until the 70th minute, then the nerves hit in and the coke only made it worse. I was frantic, running around asking people what they thought the score would be...would we go through?...What was the USA score? When the final whistle went I was stuck on the toilet 'relieving my nerves'...didn't stop Gaz coming screaming in, banging through the door and jumping on me in merriment!! He was less impressed when he realised I was still shitting as he was pretending to hump me! But then he just ran back into the bar with the screaming fans! I could hear Butters and Daz screaming "Vindalooo Vindalooo!" as the door swang open and shut! We then downed another couple of pints and have now sprinted back to our hotel for a quick change, watch the Krauts go out as we do, and then back out to celebrate and find me some ladies!
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Parties in paradise
You won't believe what it is like out here! You really do have to see it to believe it! Not so much the football, well except sadly the krauts, but the parties are mental. Not had any rucks yet, well a knocked the fuck out of 1 yank but he didn't half deserve it. Been lovin it far too much to get in a barney. It is impossible to nark me when I am in this paradise.
The plane flight was awesome. Me and the lads (gaz, dazza and butters) all got absolutely wrecked. Drinks have a bloody strong affect when your up in a plane. I made a right cock of myself with the air hostess. I asked for my 6th vodka and coke and I could've sworn she was flirting with me, so when she wandered back up to near the toilets are, you know where the trolley dollys all hang out, I went up over to her and asked her if she fancied letting me take her a mile high. She didn't. She did feel the need to slap me and refuse to serve us for the rest of the flight.
So first night was mental. We did some hardcore drinking and didn't even make it out the hotel. Gaz scored some blow off some affie that worked in the hotel. You gotta try the African shit, there stuff is pure! We parties till late and slept through the opening ceremony and s.Africa game the next day. I think the only thing that woke us was there partying, and they don't half fucking party.
So the night s.Africa drew the game and the competition started the whole place went fricking mental. We started with some more of the coke that the affie sold us, gave us a good kick start for the night. We went down to this bar and all the affies were going mental, all the fans from other teams were joining as well. I got absolutely battered with daz and butters and we all ended up passed put on sun beds by the hotel pool. Gaz on the other hand got absolutely fucked, literally. He says all he can remember is doing some tequila shots with this affie beauty and then waking up and seeing the same beauty standing across the room naked. I tell you what though he weren't half fucking shocked when she started screaming at him asking for her money. She was a fucking prossie!
After gaz relayed all that shit to us we trundled our very hungover selves to get some breakfast and watch the football. We stayed there all day and got plied with drink by some beauty of an affie barmaids. The argie's fucking won, but to be fair they look decent, gotta say if not us there probably win the thing. God I hope it's not the fuckin krauts, I ain't come all this was to see that. But rob fucking green! What a twat! He really is a right tit! I was loaded with drink, right up for the game and then he goes and does that. I drowned my sorrow with some wife-beater and we all got wrecked. Then we straggled back to our temporary gaff and some fuckin yanks were winding us right up. Thucis one guy kept fking shouting about how green showed everything about England, "always dropping the ball", he just wound me right up and I ended up nuttin him. Think I broke his fucking nose. Ah well, deserved!
So yeah felt pretty rough today and didn't help having to watch the Krauts light the fucking tourno up. Plus gaz pissing me off moaning about how he is getting all itchy. Anyway tomorrow we can look forward to Japs getting stuffed by the Cammies, got that one down as 2-0 to Cameroon. Netherlands gone fuck the danes 2-0 an all I reckon. Italy is gonna be dull as fuck, I reckon they are right shit. Paraguay ain't bad though, still saying 0-0 though if you having a gamble. I plan to be actually wrecked on the floor by the Itai game!
The plane flight was awesome. Me and the lads (gaz, dazza and butters) all got absolutely wrecked. Drinks have a bloody strong affect when your up in a plane. I made a right cock of myself with the air hostess. I asked for my 6th vodka and coke and I could've sworn she was flirting with me, so when she wandered back up to near the toilets are, you know where the trolley dollys all hang out, I went up over to her and asked her if she fancied letting me take her a mile high. She didn't. She did feel the need to slap me and refuse to serve us for the rest of the flight.
So first night was mental. We did some hardcore drinking and didn't even make it out the hotel. Gaz scored some blow off some affie that worked in the hotel. You gotta try the African shit, there stuff is pure! We parties till late and slept through the opening ceremony and s.Africa game the next day. I think the only thing that woke us was there partying, and they don't half fucking party.
So the night s.Africa drew the game and the competition started the whole place went fricking mental. We started with some more of the coke that the affie sold us, gave us a good kick start for the night. We went down to this bar and all the affies were going mental, all the fans from other teams were joining as well. I got absolutely battered with daz and butters and we all ended up passed put on sun beds by the hotel pool. Gaz on the other hand got absolutely fucked, literally. He says all he can remember is doing some tequila shots with this affie beauty and then waking up and seeing the same beauty standing across the room naked. I tell you what though he weren't half fucking shocked when she started screaming at him asking for her money. She was a fucking prossie!
After gaz relayed all that shit to us we trundled our very hungover selves to get some breakfast and watch the football. We stayed there all day and got plied with drink by some beauty of an affie barmaids. The argie's fucking won, but to be fair they look decent, gotta say if not us there probably win the thing. God I hope it's not the fuckin krauts, I ain't come all this was to see that. But rob fucking green! What a twat! He really is a right tit! I was loaded with drink, right up for the game and then he goes and does that. I drowned my sorrow with some wife-beater and we all got wrecked. Then we straggled back to our temporary gaff and some fuckin yanks were winding us right up. Thucis one guy kept fking shouting about how green showed everything about England, "always dropping the ball", he just wound me right up and I ended up nuttin him. Think I broke his fucking nose. Ah well, deserved!
So yeah felt pretty rough today and didn't help having to watch the Krauts light the fucking tourno up. Plus gaz pissing me off moaning about how he is getting all itchy. Anyway tomorrow we can look forward to Japs getting stuffed by the Cammies, got that one down as 2-0 to Cameroon. Netherlands gone fuck the danes 2-0 an all I reckon. Italy is gonna be dull as fuck, I reckon they are right shit. Paraguay ain't bad though, still saying 0-0 though if you having a gamble. I plan to be actually wrecked on the floor by the Itai game!
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