Larissa Riquelme my new favourite star of World Cup 2010

So I woke up this morning, the first time in a long time with a clear head. The hangover had gone and the shits have stopped. I am now able to function again! Still no sign of the other lads though! I finally leave my disgusting, smelly bedroom and wander down to the pool. Still no sign of them! I walk into the lobby to see Butters sitting there with just a sock on his cock for clothing, black marker writing all over him, and dribble pouring from his mouth. He was gone, the boy was asleep and completely out of it. I looked over the receptionist, gorgeous little Affie bird! She just gave me a knowing smile and turned away. I then slapped Butters around the face, fucking hard I must say - the Affie receptionist jumped and yelped, the slap was that loud. Butters fucking jumped out his chair ready to throw some punches - being finally of clear mind, and Butters being completely fucked still - I was able to simply move out the way of his fist and push him back on the chair.
"Butters you wanker! It's me!"
"Oh, alright mate?"
"Where the fuck have you been?"
"I have been at some mental Uruguay party...fucking crazy...they made huge hands and were trying to drink using huge hands...the Valdez drinking game - if you dropped any you were out and had to down a dirty pint...they are mental mate!"

Butters went on to explain to me what had been happening over the last few days, where they had all been and what I had got up to! It would seem that all our worries about Butters going over board were misdirected, it was me that had gone crazy. The night of the England vs Germany game, and the subsequent demolishing of my World Cup hopes I had gone mental! I had got into a complete drunken and drug fueled craze that night, so much so that I really started to piss them all off when I was demanding to go find hookers (Gaz is not so up for this activity any more). Apparently I was certain it was the pick me up that we all needed! In the end they told me to go off and do it my fucking self, which I assume I did given the state of my yesterday. I will add, today I have proactively been to the toilet and wait the results tomorrow - I am sure I will be fine! I hope!

"Look at the fucking jugs on this one!" shouted Gaz as he strolled in, interupting Butters telling me how they had seen me around the hotel the last few days but I was on such a mind-warp I barely acknowledged them as I downed another pint or snoted another line, or welcomed another hooker - apparently there was 3!
"She is fucking beautiful!" Daz added intellectually.
The both had newspapers held open in front of them as they walked in.
"Apparently she was going to strip if Paraguay won the tournament! Well now I really hate those fucking Spics!" Gaz said in a childish manner of disbelief.
"Whose that then?" Butters asked as he climed out the sofa, seemingly unashamed that all he had on was a sock over his cock and he was covered in writing.
"Woahhh what the fuck!" Gaz jumped back surprised to see Butters in such a state (apparently they went to seperate parties last night). On the plus side Gaz dropped his paper as he jumped back and it landed open on my feet and with that I saw the lady of my dreams.

Larissa Riquelme - Not only a stunning lingerie model, but a football fan as well! She had promised to streak around a football pitch if Paraguay lifted the cup, she has been spotted celebrating with the crowds in Paraguay throughout - she also has amazing jubblies! I now love this women and must one day meet her! It was over our mutual love for Larissa Riquelme (I like to say the whole name) that I re-bonded with my mates, and assured them I was now over England's loss. I also told them about the bet, how much money I owed, and the threatening texts I has recieved. This made the lads understand my drunken downfall a lot more. They agree though...I am really fucked!

World Cup 2010: The Backlash of England's defeat, the Joy of the Germans

So I am sorry it has been a while since my last message...I must say I have not reacted well to England's defeat. Well to be fair, would you have if you had all I had riding on this. I have essentially fallen into an uncontrollable drunken and drugged up mess...living it up in S.Africa as if it is my last days, which essentially it is. The only thing that has broken up my drink and drug binge is fucking and football...the two most important f's!! and to be fair, the binge has often carried on through them! Orgasms on E...my new favourite thing!

Well at least we now all know why England were soo shit...and they did take shit too a whole new level! Though good to see Argentina get completely wanked over as well! We aren't the only team the Germans have thrashed, though it does now mean the two teams I backed for winning the bloody thing have bombed out! Don't ever listen to me! So yeah the rumours have been flying around recently about the sack of spuds that we call our national football team. Word is (and I feel I should re-iterate that these are pure rumours gathered in pubs full of drunken and annoyed England fans), Wayne Rooney was in Rio Ferdinand's restaurant the day before the game and well the News of The World got photos of him 'doing' things that he should not have! Things he has been caught doing before! There are also rumours surrounding the captain, mr 'stevie g' - dickhead that he is - being the third choice for captain doesn't leave him in good stead but when rumours arise of him 'doing' things that he should not be, this can only bring down his authority more. Which supposedly it did with first class prick John Terry deciding that if he had his captaincy taken away so should Gerrard - think about it Terry, it weren't a fucking team mates bird (just a relatives apparently)! I say again these are vicious rumours...but christ they didn't half play like something was on their minds!

All the time they are having the time of their fucking lives, well done for leaving the WAGs at home Capello that worked loads didn't it, I have had about 50 texts from Big John back in London - he wants his money the day of my return! I have no money! I have a plane ticket back home and a shit load of coke! I plan to snort every last bit of the coke through my rolled up ticket!

So as I mentioned I woke up today and noticed the room is a fucking shambles, I am a little worried about what has happened to Daz, Gaz and Butters - no sign at all. All that is in the room is a shit load of used condoms...a message written in lipstick on the mirror saying "Great fuck! Thanks x x " - this makes me grin like a chimp! There are half done lines of coke on every fucking surface...shambles of money strewn across the room (I really hope I didn't fuck an Aid's hooker!)...and no sign of anyone else. And I can barely remember anything after the E I dropped after the Germany game. I remember fucking this black beauty at one point!! Pointy tiny nipples is the memory that most stands out! We were on E so assume that was the first night, and assume that was her lipstick! You might say I am a little calm, to be fair - those three are probably out pissed now. I have stayed in on a recovery day today, watched the football and exploded into the toilet all day! I need a plan of how to find those guys and then what to do about Big John!

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