Just watched the England game on TV (thankfully didn't pay money for that crap) and I am deeply upset. We are the biggest pile of rubbish! Can't beat Montenegro...whats the point of turning up for Euro 2012 because we definitely won't win! Very upset with the game, was planning on getting royally pissed and completely wrecked afterwards but instead will just finish the bottle of Bud next to me and go cry into my pillow.
Only plus side was performances of Adam Johnson and Ashley Young. Should definitely be the wingers from now on. To be fair Montenegro are hard to break down but that's life, you still have to do it. I am not quite as deflated after the World Cup loss to Germany - but not far off.
Rooney was wank again! I thought it was his lack of sex that was the problem, but he just got back off a 'second honeymoon' and he was still awful - perhaps it's his lack of good sex (yes, I am suggesting Coleen is shit in bed and that's why Rooney gets prozzies - surely obvious conclusion?). Oh well, West Ham victory at weekend will cheer me up!
Showing posts with label rooney. Show all posts
Showing posts with label rooney. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Monday, October 4, 2010
Capello Squad for Montenegro - #1 The Strikers
So Capello has named his sqaud for the Euro 2012 Qualifier against Montenegro and I have decided to give my opinions on it over four blogs in the next four days. To start with, The Strikers. These are the people who will be looking to gain all the glory, the person who scores the goals and becomes the hero! Its a competitive position with only Wayne Rooney's place for Euro 2012 secure - and thats if he doesn't carry on his current dismal form. Capello has chosen 4 strikers, suggesting he will be playing 2 up front and leaving 2 for back-up. So here they are, those selected to go for glory:
The Shock Choice - Kevin Davies
Kevin Davies has gained his first ever England call-up...he is 33 years old. This is the shock choice of the selection! Capello has alway said he will select those that are on form at that moment in time, clearly he feels Kevin Davies current form has warrented a call-up. After all, his current form of 2 goals in 8 has helped Bolton reach the dizzy heights of 12th. Here are three gripes you might here about the selection of Kevin Davies:
1) He is 33 years old - in 2 years time when we come to Euro 2012, will he still be playing. Shouldn't we be building a team for that competition as we have a relatively easy group? Shouldn't Andy Carroll be getting the much needed experience now to prepare him to take on the best in the future? This argument isn't mine - its true - but for me not the main point.
2) He has never played against the best - in his 17 year career he has played a total of 14 European games and scored one European goal, and all of that was in the UEFA Cup. He has never played for a team that has made it into the top 4 and competed against the best in Europe, why is he good enough now? Again, this is valid - but not why I don't want him in the squad.
3) He is not good enough - Now this is why I don't want him in the squad. There is a reason he has never been picked for England before, he isn't good enough! He is a thuggish player who since losing his pace has survived by just kicking more talented players around. He is an elbows out kind of forward, you ain't gonna see many stepovers from this lad. The perfect compliment to the skill of Rooney or the antithesis of what Rooney signifies for England? I think I know which one! In his 600 professional games he has scored 120 goals - his star season is 12 goals in one season...really? World Class? I think not!
The one with 1 more chance to impress - Darren Bent
Darren Bent has been so close so many times but never quite broken through into a regular squad member. His form, this season and last, certainly warrants the call-up and if he brings that form into the game and impresses then he may just push himself quite a lot closer to becoming a regular England squad member - good luck to him! He may not be World Class, but he'll do for a back-up!
The one that could become the opportunist - Peter Crouch
Crouch was there, first team player - but for some reason Capello was not a fan. Was it his personal life? Was it the way he seems to force teams to play Route 1 Football? Who knows...what we do know though, he has a fantastic international record - 21 goals in 40 games, not bad at all! If Peter Crouch starts (which surely he will) and then performs there is no reason why he won't secure a place in the England Squad and make a push for that starting 11.
The Superstar - Wayne Rooney
The man on who all our hopes lie, I hate to admit it but we fucking need that scouse fucker. He was dismal in the World Cup and he has been dismal since! We all know why...so lets solve it...lets get the lad some prozzies! Coleen obv ain't giving him what he needs, he had the best season of his life when he had the wife, the kid and the prozzie...then we all find out, the prozzie gets cut off and he turns to shit. Get the lad laid and then we may go all the way! Come on Capello - thats what we call man management!
The Shock Choice - Kevin Davies
Kevin Davies has gained his first ever England call-up...he is 33 years old. This is the shock choice of the selection! Capello has alway said he will select those that are on form at that moment in time, clearly he feels Kevin Davies current form has warrented a call-up. After all, his current form of 2 goals in 8 has helped Bolton reach the dizzy heights of 12th. Here are three gripes you might here about the selection of Kevin Davies:
1) He is 33 years old - in 2 years time when we come to Euro 2012, will he still be playing. Shouldn't we be building a team for that competition as we have a relatively easy group? Shouldn't Andy Carroll be getting the much needed experience now to prepare him to take on the best in the future? This argument isn't mine - its true - but for me not the main point.
2) He has never played against the best - in his 17 year career he has played a total of 14 European games and scored one European goal, and all of that was in the UEFA Cup. He has never played for a team that has made it into the top 4 and competed against the best in Europe, why is he good enough now? Again, this is valid - but not why I don't want him in the squad.
3) He is not good enough - Now this is why I don't want him in the squad. There is a reason he has never been picked for England before, he isn't good enough! He is a thuggish player who since losing his pace has survived by just kicking more talented players around. He is an elbows out kind of forward, you ain't gonna see many stepovers from this lad. The perfect compliment to the skill of Rooney or the antithesis of what Rooney signifies for England? I think I know which one! In his 600 professional games he has scored 120 goals - his star season is 12 goals in one season...really? World Class? I think not!
The one with 1 more chance to impress - Darren Bent
Darren Bent has been so close so many times but never quite broken through into a regular squad member. His form, this season and last, certainly warrants the call-up and if he brings that form into the game and impresses then he may just push himself quite a lot closer to becoming a regular England squad member - good luck to him! He may not be World Class, but he'll do for a back-up!
The one that could become the opportunist - Peter Crouch
Crouch was there, first team player - but for some reason Capello was not a fan. Was it his personal life? Was it the way he seems to force teams to play Route 1 Football? Who knows...what we do know though, he has a fantastic international record - 21 goals in 40 games, not bad at all! If Peter Crouch starts (which surely he will) and then performs there is no reason why he won't secure a place in the England Squad and make a push for that starting 11.
The Superstar - Wayne Rooney
The man on who all our hopes lie, I hate to admit it but we fucking need that scouse fucker. He was dismal in the World Cup and he has been dismal since! We all know why...so lets solve it...lets get the lad some prozzies! Coleen obv ain't giving him what he needs, he had the best season of his life when he had the wife, the kid and the prozzie...then we all find out, the prozzie gets cut off and he turns to shit. Get the lad laid and then we may go all the way! Come on Capello - thats what we call man management!
Saturday, July 3, 2010
World Cup 2010: The Backlash of England's defeat, the Joy of the Germans
So I am sorry it has been a while since my last message...I must say I have not reacted well to England's defeat. Well to be fair, would you have if you had all I had riding on this. I have essentially fallen into an uncontrollable drunken and drugged up mess...living it up in S.Africa as if it is my last days, which essentially it is. The only thing that has broken up my drink and drug binge is fucking and football...the two most important f's!! and to be fair, the binge has often carried on through them! Orgasms on E...my new favourite thing!
Well at least we now all know why England were soo shit...and they did take shit too a whole new level! Though good to see Argentina get completely wanked over as well! We aren't the only team the Germans have thrashed, though it does now mean the two teams I backed for winning the bloody thing have bombed out! Don't ever listen to me! So yeah the rumours have been flying around recently about the sack of spuds that we call our national football team. Word is (and I feel I should re-iterate that these are pure rumours gathered in pubs full of drunken and annoyed England fans), Wayne Rooney was in Rio Ferdinand's restaurant the day before the game and well the News of The World got photos of him 'doing' things that he should not have! Things he has been caught doing before! There are also rumours surrounding the captain, mr 'stevie g' - dickhead that he is - being the third choice for captain doesn't leave him in good stead but when rumours arise of him 'doing' things that he should not be, this can only bring down his authority more. Which supposedly it did with first class prick John Terry deciding that if he had his captaincy taken away so should Gerrard - think about it Terry, it weren't a fucking team mates bird (just a relatives apparently)! I say again these are vicious rumours...but christ they didn't half play like something was on their minds!
All the time they are having the time of their fucking lives, well done for leaving the WAGs at home Capello that worked loads didn't it, I have had about 50 texts from Big John back in London - he wants his money the day of my return! I have no money! I have a plane ticket back home and a shit load of coke! I plan to snort every last bit of the coke through my rolled up ticket!
So as I mentioned I woke up today and noticed the room is a fucking shambles, I am a little worried about what has happened to Daz, Gaz and Butters - no sign at all. All that is in the room is a shit load of used condoms...a message written in lipstick on the mirror saying "Great fuck! Thanks x x " - this makes me grin like a chimp! There are half done lines of coke on every fucking surface...shambles of money strewn across the room (I really hope I didn't fuck an Aid's hooker!)...and no sign of anyone else. And I can barely remember anything after the E I dropped after the Germany game. I remember fucking this black beauty at one point!! Pointy tiny nipples is the memory that most stands out! We were on E so assume that was the first night, and assume that was her lipstick! You might say I am a little calm, to be fair - those three are probably out pissed now. I have stayed in on a recovery day today, watched the football and exploded into the toilet all day! I need a plan of how to find those guys and then what to do about Big John!
Follow my drunken twitter updates...
Well at least we now all know why England were soo shit...and they did take shit too a whole new level! Though good to see Argentina get completely wanked over as well! We aren't the only team the Germans have thrashed, though it does now mean the two teams I backed for winning the bloody thing have bombed out! Don't ever listen to me! So yeah the rumours have been flying around recently about the sack of spuds that we call our national football team. Word is (and I feel I should re-iterate that these are pure rumours gathered in pubs full of drunken and annoyed England fans), Wayne Rooney was in Rio Ferdinand's restaurant the day before the game and well the News of The World got photos of him 'doing' things that he should not have! Things he has been caught doing before! There are also rumours surrounding the captain, mr 'stevie g' - dickhead that he is - being the third choice for captain doesn't leave him in good stead but when rumours arise of him 'doing' things that he should not be, this can only bring down his authority more. Which supposedly it did with first class prick John Terry deciding that if he had his captaincy taken away so should Gerrard - think about it Terry, it weren't a fucking team mates bird (just a relatives apparently)! I say again these are vicious rumours...but christ they didn't half play like something was on their minds!
All the time they are having the time of their fucking lives, well done for leaving the WAGs at home Capello that worked loads didn't it, I have had about 50 texts from Big John back in London - he wants his money the day of my return! I have no money! I have a plane ticket back home and a shit load of coke! I plan to snort every last bit of the coke through my rolled up ticket!
So as I mentioned I woke up today and noticed the room is a fucking shambles, I am a little worried about what has happened to Daz, Gaz and Butters - no sign at all. All that is in the room is a shit load of used condoms...a message written in lipstick on the mirror saying "Great fuck! Thanks x x " - this makes me grin like a chimp! There are half done lines of coke on every fucking surface...shambles of money strewn across the room (I really hope I didn't fuck an Aid's hooker!)...and no sign of anyone else. And I can barely remember anything after the E I dropped after the Germany game. I remember fucking this black beauty at one point!! Pointy tiny nipples is the memory that most stands out! We were on E so assume that was the first night, and assume that was her lipstick! You might say I am a little calm, to be fair - those three are probably out pissed now. I have stayed in on a recovery day today, watched the football and exploded into the toilet all day! I need a plan of how to find those guys and then what to do about Big John!
Follow my drunken twitter updates...
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Awesome Argies!
Argentina actually rock my fuckin socks! Somehow they managed to take part in a bloody boring game and yet still manage to be absolutely fanBLOODYtastic! I must say that my bet that they will win it is looking better and better! Messi yet to score, but it will happen - best player in the world!
Tell ya what though, was sitting in the bar watching all these games today (three - bloody brilliant) and all we could talk about was the game tomorrow. Nerves are high here, imagine what there like in the team. Gerrard finally decided to talk up, time for him to show he can lead tomorrow. Time for Rooney to show he is best in the world. Time for England to grab the game by the scruff of the neck and play the way we know they can. Bout time we saw Joe Cole out there ain't it, get a bit of flair out there - fuck it even if we do loose at least he will entertain us as we do. I reckon Ashley Cole will have another stormer tomorrow - fuck him, he makes me so confused (not in a gay way), he is absolute scum on and off the pitch but damn it I am glad he is British!
The drink took its toll on Butters, he has literally been in bed or the toilet all day. He wet the bed twice last night. Not looking good for him. Funniest fucking thing happened to Gaz. So the Affie Doc perhaps was not the best option, the rash has gone but so have his pubes! The cream made the fuckers fall out! How absolutely brilliant is that! He rekons he can still pull though, he actually claimed he liked it cos it made his little roger look not so little. He claimed that if England win tomorrow he is going to have a threesome with two drunk England fans. Now you might be thinking he has already arranged this and knows a couple up for it, but no no - he just an arrogant wanker that thinks he has that much charm. Now I am rather worried about my long dry spell. Not had one bird out here yet, can't go back home having not banged one. Tomorrow night is the night, I am going to unload on someone - don't care what country and to be honest what they look like - Any Hole is A Goal as they say! Wish same was true for England, then that big Beckham shaped hole in our team would be brilliant! Daz is his usual drunken self...he burnt today, peeled the whole fucking thing of in the pub - that's the way to impress the ladies!
Oh yeah and the fucking frogs are out!! FanBLOODYtastic!
Tell ya what though, was sitting in the bar watching all these games today (three - bloody brilliant) and all we could talk about was the game tomorrow. Nerves are high here, imagine what there like in the team. Gerrard finally decided to talk up, time for him to show he can lead tomorrow. Time for Rooney to show he is best in the world. Time for England to grab the game by the scruff of the neck and play the way we know they can. Bout time we saw Joe Cole out there ain't it, get a bit of flair out there - fuck it even if we do loose at least he will entertain us as we do. I reckon Ashley Cole will have another stormer tomorrow - fuck him, he makes me so confused (not in a gay way), he is absolute scum on and off the pitch but damn it I am glad he is British!
The drink took its toll on Butters, he has literally been in bed or the toilet all day. He wet the bed twice last night. Not looking good for him. Funniest fucking thing happened to Gaz. So the Affie Doc perhaps was not the best option, the rash has gone but so have his pubes! The cream made the fuckers fall out! How absolutely brilliant is that! He rekons he can still pull though, he actually claimed he liked it cos it made his little roger look not so little. He claimed that if England win tomorrow he is going to have a threesome with two drunk England fans. Now you might be thinking he has already arranged this and knows a couple up for it, but no no - he just an arrogant wanker that thinks he has that much charm. Now I am rather worried about my long dry spell. Not had one bird out here yet, can't go back home having not banged one. Tomorrow night is the night, I am going to unload on someone - don't care what country and to be honest what they look like - Any Hole is A Goal as they say! Wish same was true for England, then that big Beckham shaped hole in our team would be brilliant! Daz is his usual drunken self...he burnt today, peeled the whole fucking thing of in the pub - that's the way to impress the ladies!
Oh yeah and the fucking frogs are out!! FanBLOODYtastic!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Algeria, Sunburn and STD's...got to love the World Cup
What a fucking shit game! Could England be any worse! 0-0 against the algies!! that is a joke!! what the fuck is heskey still doing on that pitch!! I want to see Joe Cole rip the slovenians apart! Rooney going to complain about us booing!! I want to see him actually turn up! He has looked absolutely knackered out there so far, it's time to man up Roon; its the world cup - time to run yourself into the fucking ground!
Tell you what though, it was mental after the game. England fans went crazy...I have never been so drunk! We started drinking first thing in the morning...Gaz couldn't, his slight rash condition means he had to go see a doc, not sure I would trust an Affie doc. But me, Butters and Daz all hit the pool bar. Butter's got wasted after his usual three and fell asleep on a sunbed. We felt bad to leave him there but the bar down the road was showing the football and we had to mosey on down. So when he finally joined us down there, after the Germany game, after the Slovenia game, (he had been asleep the whole time) he finally strolled into the bar - he was burnt like a motherfucker! He literally looked like he was the birth child of a carrot. So sadly when we were all jumping around screaming at Rooney to actually fucking move, Butters had to leave because everytime a sweaty Brit bashed into him he let out the most girl like scream you have ever heard.
Gaz was meant to join us at half-time. He never showed, and is still stuck in his room now refusing to come out. Guess the doc's news wasn't the best. So it was just me and Daz sitting through the hell that was the second half of England versus Algeria. I would say it was the most boring game I have ever seen if it wasn't for the crazy atmosphere. Vuvuzela's everywhere! It was mental! This one twat screamed "lets all have a fucking party" and the place erupted, we were all up for drowning our sorr'os and forgetting that we were here for another three weeks but england would be out in another few days. I hit the jaegerbombs hard! Daz was drinking some mental local spirit which he had grown to love. He stole this guys Vuvuzela and got punch in his face, I fucking sprinted across the room like a fucking mental and through a fist into the guys face. Sadly I didn't quite realise how abosolutely huge he was and he literally beat the shit out us both as others just watched in horror. I have never ran from a place so fast, my eye fucking pounding as I could feel the black eye appearing already, the swelling growing like mad. I looked at Daz's face to see that he was bleeding from his nose, mouth and above his eye. We came here to fight the fucking Krauts, not get done over by our own bloody fans. The night didn't end that badly though, we bumped into some celebrating Serbs who thought they would treat us to a few drinks to ease our pain. These guys were huge, each one of them looked like Vidic. Wish they were there to back us up.
I am absolutely dying of a hangover today. I am cream crackered and desperate for sleep and asprin. England are shit, and heading out the World Cup, and all the hopes I put on Wayne fucking Rooney have been shoved right back up my ass like a bumboys dildo. And all that awaits me at home, is that big ol' fucking debt - why I bet England would win the fucking thing I have no idea. Alcohol makes you do strange things.
Tell you what though, it was mental after the game. England fans went crazy...I have never been so drunk! We started drinking first thing in the morning...Gaz couldn't, his slight rash condition means he had to go see a doc, not sure I would trust an Affie doc. But me, Butters and Daz all hit the pool bar. Butter's got wasted after his usual three and fell asleep on a sunbed. We felt bad to leave him there but the bar down the road was showing the football and we had to mosey on down. So when he finally joined us down there, after the Germany game, after the Slovenia game, (he had been asleep the whole time) he finally strolled into the bar - he was burnt like a motherfucker! He literally looked like he was the birth child of a carrot. So sadly when we were all jumping around screaming at Rooney to actually fucking move, Butters had to leave because everytime a sweaty Brit bashed into him he let out the most girl like scream you have ever heard.
Gaz was meant to join us at half-time. He never showed, and is still stuck in his room now refusing to come out. Guess the doc's news wasn't the best. So it was just me and Daz sitting through the hell that was the second half of England versus Algeria. I would say it was the most boring game I have ever seen if it wasn't for the crazy atmosphere. Vuvuzela's everywhere! It was mental! This one twat screamed "lets all have a fucking party" and the place erupted, we were all up for drowning our sorr'os and forgetting that we were here for another three weeks but england would be out in another few days. I hit the jaegerbombs hard! Daz was drinking some mental local spirit which he had grown to love. He stole this guys Vuvuzela and got punch in his face, I fucking sprinted across the room like a fucking mental and through a fist into the guys face. Sadly I didn't quite realise how abosolutely huge he was and he literally beat the shit out us both as others just watched in horror. I have never ran from a place so fast, my eye fucking pounding as I could feel the black eye appearing already, the swelling growing like mad. I looked at Daz's face to see that he was bleeding from his nose, mouth and above his eye. We came here to fight the fucking Krauts, not get done over by our own bloody fans. The night didn't end that badly though, we bumped into some celebrating Serbs who thought they would treat us to a few drinks to ease our pain. These guys were huge, each one of them looked like Vidic. Wish they were there to back us up.
I am absolutely dying of a hangover today. I am cream crackered and desperate for sleep and asprin. England are shit, and heading out the World Cup, and all the hopes I put on Wayne fucking Rooney have been shoved right back up my ass like a bumboys dildo. And all that awaits me at home, is that big ol' fucking debt - why I bet England would win the fucking thing I have no idea. Alcohol makes you do strange things.
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