So last night me and Gaz headed out in Brum and started to put this plan into action! We get into Brum about 7pm last night and check into our hotel, room each, we know what we want and we don't want to watch as the other person gets it. We then put on the ol' gladrags and head out on to Birmingham's infamous Broad Street. No laugh, this was a messy night. Jaegerbombs were floating round like know ones business. So we in this club, Custard Factory, and we drinking some not so cheap drinks. We chatting up some proper raver girls and we get the conversation on to football asap. Easy enough, they ask "why you in Birmingham?" we answer, "To watch the game, are you into football?". We go round a few different groups of girls, buying them drinks giving them chat - don't get me wrong Brum is full of willing girls looking for a fun times, but we wanted specific girls - Birmingham City fans!
So about 1am me and Gaz are talking to these two proper big girls, they're Brum fans! No joke though, I've had some big girls in my time, but these girls - huuuge! Gaz had the slightly smaller one, I had the biggest. She was proper pissed and grinding all up on me. Good thing about big girls...huge breasts! I know this girl is DTF because she is constantly putting her tongue down my throat and rubbing downstairs through my jeans. Problem is, she ain't got her footy shirt on - I need to get her back home so she can put it on whilst we go at it and then I've bagged a Brum jersey.
We leave the club at 2pm, Gaz says to the girls "So you want to carry this night on, any drink at yours?" The girls look at eachother proper shyly though and clearly going to give us the denial so I step in and say "Hey, why don't we carry it on tomorrow night after the game." They just happen to be going with their boyfriends (woooops!), but say they'll ditch them afterwards and find us (get in!). So we take their numbers and off we go!
Woke up this morning feeling very optimistic, I don't know about West Ham but I am definitly going to be scoring today!
Showing posts with label hooligan. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hooligan. Show all posts
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
West Ham 1 Newcastle 2 - Grant losing fans
Another bitterly disappointing game! At the start of this season I would've had Newcastle as one of our relegation rivals, whilst we sadly remain bottom of the table Newcastle are riding (vaguely) high at ninth. How has this happened? Oh yeah, they have quality players. I like Piquionne and Obinna (mainly because I have to their our own hope) but they are not Andy Carroll are they! In fact I think Newcastle are probably only jealous of the fact we have Scott Parker rather then mentalist Joey Barton. I did almost get excited when Cole actually decided to turn up to a game this season and gave us the lead, but as always it was short lived as we crumbled when Newcastle dared to score against us. I have to say I was enraged by the way we deflated once they equalised and Newcastle thoroughly deserved the win in the end. I admit to booing as the players and Grant left the pitch. I have had enough, something has to change. I don't if its Grant or not, but something has to! We are bottom, deservedly so and we need to start picking up points against teams like Newcastle at home.
Post-game wasn't much better. Gaz actually started chatting up a Geordie bird at half-time and had won her jersey by the time the game was over. He got talking to her in a queue for chips, she was a brave one that had tickets for the wrong end but still worn her shirt. Then again, she was fit! When you're hot you can get away with anything! She had this long blonde hair (dyed I think), she had quite a thick tan (fake I'm sure, there's no sun in Newcastle) and she was wearing these jeans that showed off her long toned legs and tight ass. Her Newcastle shirt was tightly fitted to show off her perky breasts. Me, Daz and Butters gawped from a distance as Gaz gave her some proper chat. In the second half, Gaz never joined us in the stands (he didn't miss much), at The Boleyn later he informed us that once everyone had rushed back into the stands he and the bird had gone into a toilet and well, he won her jersey. Lucky prick! After the game we all felt quite deflated and Gaz had already got laid and won his jersey - needless to say we downed a couple of pints which failed to cheer us up and we slunk home, the rest of us failing to secure jerseys.
Post-game wasn't much better. Gaz actually started chatting up a Geordie bird at half-time and had won her jersey by the time the game was over. He got talking to her in a queue for chips, she was a brave one that had tickets for the wrong end but still worn her shirt. Then again, she was fit! When you're hot you can get away with anything! She had this long blonde hair (dyed I think), she had quite a thick tan (fake I'm sure, there's no sun in Newcastle) and she was wearing these jeans that showed off her long toned legs and tight ass. Her Newcastle shirt was tightly fitted to show off her perky breasts. Me, Daz and Butters gawped from a distance as Gaz gave her some proper chat. In the second half, Gaz never joined us in the stands (he didn't miss much), at The Boleyn later he informed us that once everyone had rushed back into the stands he and the bird had gone into a toilet and well, he won her jersey. Lucky prick! After the game we all felt quite deflated and Gaz had already got laid and won his jersey - needless to say we downed a couple of pints which failed to cheer us up and we slunk home, the rest of us failing to secure jerseys.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Manchester United vs West Ham
Loosing on the pitch
We are shit! I cannot believe how poor we are this season! Ok I would always kind of expect to be handed our arses against Man Utd, but to be three games in and not have a point - it is not looking good! And we struggled past Oxford United! We are shit!
Loosing off the pitch
So now both Daz and Gaz have collected the United shirt. I am still on 0 and Gaz is on 2 and Daz on 1. Butters of course is on 0. So we head up to Manchester for the game, didn't bother with the Oxford game, we all have money issues and that game just didn't seem worth the money. Luckily we were right. So we head up to Manchester, we are ok with the result; we got to see a great team play football (Manchester United not West Ham), and have a few pints. We each get a room in a near by Holiday Inn and we head into town. Trying to avoid the flourishing gay district of course! We all took some E, drank some vod-bulls and then headed to Sankeys, this club in Manchester. All fucked off our heads by 11pm. By midnight I was violently being sick. I was well in with this girl as well. We were proper pushed up against eachother type. My hand was running down her back and grabbing her hot, pert arse. She was running her fingertips up my shirt, feeling my abs. Our lips seemed to be in a constant embrace, except when broken by our tongues meeting. A few times she even ran her hand over my jeans to feel how hard she had got me...very!
I was proper loving it! Granted she was wearing a short, white dress with her tits hanging out, not a Manchester United or West Ham United shirt, but she was fit as fuck so fuck it!
Wasn't to be though. Some prick bashed into me and I banged against her elbow, she winded me and as I was already fucked I through up all over her white dress. She was not impressed. I then ran to the toilet and through up more, throwing up the whole time making my way there. It wasn't long before the bouncers came in, grabbed me and threw me out.
What made it worse is what Daz and Gaz were bragging about over our fry-ups the next day. Whilst I was throwing up on gorgeous women and then being unkindly escorted out the club, they were talking to two hot totties in United shirts. They had been at the game earlier apparently. The bastards only went back with them. Apparently fucked them in the same room, dirty Mancs! They were literally 4ft apart. Both claim to have not peaked over so no banter of poor performance as yet...sure all will be revealed in drunken futures though!
Still, gotta start catching up, gotta start fucking
We are shit! I cannot believe how poor we are this season! Ok I would always kind of expect to be handed our arses against Man Utd, but to be three games in and not have a point - it is not looking good! And we struggled past Oxford United! We are shit!
Loosing off the pitch
So now both Daz and Gaz have collected the United shirt. I am still on 0 and Gaz is on 2 and Daz on 1. Butters of course is on 0. So we head up to Manchester for the game, didn't bother with the Oxford game, we all have money issues and that game just didn't seem worth the money. Luckily we were right. So we head up to Manchester, we are ok with the result; we got to see a great team play football (Manchester United not West Ham), and have a few pints. We each get a room in a near by Holiday Inn and we head into town. Trying to avoid the flourishing gay district of course! We all took some E, drank some vod-bulls and then headed to Sankeys, this club in Manchester. All fucked off our heads by 11pm. By midnight I was violently being sick. I was well in with this girl as well. We were proper pushed up against eachother type. My hand was running down her back and grabbing her hot, pert arse. She was running her fingertips up my shirt, feeling my abs. Our lips seemed to be in a constant embrace, except when broken by our tongues meeting. A few times she even ran her hand over my jeans to feel how hard she had got me...very!
I was proper loving it! Granted she was wearing a short, white dress with her tits hanging out, not a Manchester United or West Ham United shirt, but she was fit as fuck so fuck it!
Wasn't to be though. Some prick bashed into me and I banged against her elbow, she winded me and as I was already fucked I through up all over her white dress. She was not impressed. I then ran to the toilet and through up more, throwing up the whole time making my way there. It wasn't long before the bouncers came in, grabbed me and threw me out.
What made it worse is what Daz and Gaz were bragging about over our fry-ups the next day. Whilst I was throwing up on gorgeous women and then being unkindly escorted out the club, they were talking to two hot totties in United shirts. They had been at the game earlier apparently. The bastards only went back with them. Apparently fucked them in the same room, dirty Mancs! They were literally 4ft apart. Both claim to have not peaked over so no banter of poor performance as yet...sure all will be revealed in drunken futures though!
Still, gotta start catching up, gotta start fucking
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Failing to score on and off the pitch - West Ham vs Bolton Wanderers
On The Pitch
Why the fuck can't we beat Bolton bloody Wanderers? It's Bolton...come on! 7times in a row we have lost to the team that take boring football to an art form.
To be fair, as Mr Grant keeps claiming, we didn't play badly, especially in the first half - we are just incapable of bloody winning. I love the fact that The Hammers always give it a go and play some football, but sometimes I just wish we would go the Bolton route and just grind the fuck out of a game until we manage that win.
I think I am going to blame that bloody Bolton keeper with the name that is crazy, Jussi will do, saving all our bloody shots. I mean let's face it, Carlton cole's penalty was especially shit. What happened to that man? He was the hero of Upton not long ago, now he is...well, Carlton cole.
Poor Matty Upson though, the man is our rock, and if he is having an off game and scoring an own goal then you know we are fucked! When Chang-chin Lin assisted their goal hope was all but gone. Thank god Noble took the second penalty, step aside Mr Cole, bit of quality from Noble showed us that we could have hope this season.
Still wasn't enough and we are officially 0 for 2, I still have hope - I have to really - but let's ensure Bolton are the only team that remain known as a 'bogey team'
Off The Pitch
The night out that followed yesterday's footballing debacle was no better!
Following the game we wondered down to my flat, I live not far from Upton Park, and we began to drink our sorrows away. Giving our two cents on every fuck up on that pitch. How we could have won, how we will avoid the drop, and most importantly should Grant stay. Vodka Redbulls got passed around quickly and we tried to relieve our sorrows. Me, Gaz, Daz and Butters had gone to the game - all season ticket holders. We know a lot of people who follow West Ham almost as religiously as we do and we were preparing too meet up with them later tonight and have these exact same debates. These were almost like our practice debates.
Over the last week, Daz, Gaz and Butters have all agreed that they too shall take part in The Jersey Game. We are now all 24/7 on the pull. Tonight I am looking to scratch one off the list. I am on the hunt for either a Hammer girl (always dirrty totty) or a Bolton girl (hopefully more interesting than the team they support). We headed down Green Street to The Queens where we met the rest of the lads. Everyone was in there already, well on their way. I got in the first round and straight away ran my eyes around the bar. No one really took my fancy I must say. Just loadsa butch, pissed off Hammers fans with more tattoos then me. No one that could in anyway cheer me up! So after a few drinks, couple of rounds of 21, we headed into central. We went into Onanon's, where the cheap pussy goes. This proper dirrty looking barmaid comes up to us dressed in camoflage, she has two tequila bottles with her. We all do shots. Her tits are bursting out her top. We all do more shots. We then neck a beer, play a round of Yee-Haa! and by the end I am completely fucked.
It is about 1:30am when I spot her. Not long until closing time and I am so hammered I have no idea how I am even standing. I am pretty sure the phrase 'to be hammered' must come from nights out with the West Ham lads, we fucking go for it. I see her dancing away with her mates. A group of girls all in Bolton Wanderers shirts, all looking proper grim; except one. She is stunning. Long blonde hair, tight ass. Clearly no bra on under the top, it is white and her nipples are bursting out of it. Dirrty totty! I head straight over there, eyes fixed on the hot blonde. I burst through the rotters that she calls friends, I have no time for niceties with them. I grab this Trotter by the hips and push her towards me. My leg goes between hers and she is basically sitting on my thigh. I start grinding with her, staring into her eyes. She looks back at mine. This is it! I am well in here!
I wasn't...she then headbutted me. It knocked me back, I was fucking shocked. I then turned around to see my mates pissing themselves and then fists from big butch rotters wearing Bolton 'fucking' Wanderers shirts started pounding into me. Luckily the bouncers came quickly to my rescue, especially lucky as my friends were too busy rolling on the ground with laughter to help. I was then escorted off the premises, I say escorted - I mean thrown into an alley, with force. I then called a taxi and awoke this morning an unhappy man.
I got a phone call later that day. It was Gaz.
"Alright mate, just wanted to see how you doing after your action last night."
"Fuck off!"
"Also wanted to let you know I got some action of my own."
"Fuck off, with who?"
"That blonde tottie that hit you round the head"
"Bollox!"
"No mate, fact, she was quite nice after I went up and apologised on your behalf. Cheers for that opening mate, got me first shirt there!"
"Oh fuuuuck off!"
Gaz now pissing himself ended with, "Don't worry mate, we play them again this season - you still have a chance!"
What a Prick!
Why the fuck can't we beat Bolton bloody Wanderers? It's Bolton...come on! 7times in a row we have lost to the team that take boring football to an art form.
To be fair, as Mr Grant keeps claiming, we didn't play badly, especially in the first half - we are just incapable of bloody winning. I love the fact that The Hammers always give it a go and play some football, but sometimes I just wish we would go the Bolton route and just grind the fuck out of a game until we manage that win.
I think I am going to blame that bloody Bolton keeper with the name that is crazy, Jussi will do, saving all our bloody shots. I mean let's face it, Carlton cole's penalty was especially shit. What happened to that man? He was the hero of Upton not long ago, now he is...well, Carlton cole.
Poor Matty Upson though, the man is our rock, and if he is having an off game and scoring an own goal then you know we are fucked! When Chang-chin Lin assisted their goal hope was all but gone. Thank god Noble took the second penalty, step aside Mr Cole, bit of quality from Noble showed us that we could have hope this season.
Still wasn't enough and we are officially 0 for 2, I still have hope - I have to really - but let's ensure Bolton are the only team that remain known as a 'bogey team'
Off The Pitch
The night out that followed yesterday's footballing debacle was no better!
Following the game we wondered down to my flat, I live not far from Upton Park, and we began to drink our sorrows away. Giving our two cents on every fuck up on that pitch. How we could have won, how we will avoid the drop, and most importantly should Grant stay. Vodka Redbulls got passed around quickly and we tried to relieve our sorrows. Me, Gaz, Daz and Butters had gone to the game - all season ticket holders. We know a lot of people who follow West Ham almost as religiously as we do and we were preparing too meet up with them later tonight and have these exact same debates. These were almost like our practice debates.
Over the last week, Daz, Gaz and Butters have all agreed that they too shall take part in The Jersey Game. We are now all 24/7 on the pull. Tonight I am looking to scratch one off the list. I am on the hunt for either a Hammer girl (always dirrty totty) or a Bolton girl (hopefully more interesting than the team they support). We headed down Green Street to The Queens where we met the rest of the lads. Everyone was in there already, well on their way. I got in the first round and straight away ran my eyes around the bar. No one really took my fancy I must say. Just loadsa butch, pissed off Hammers fans with more tattoos then me. No one that could in anyway cheer me up! So after a few drinks, couple of rounds of 21, we headed into central. We went into Onanon's, where the cheap pussy goes. This proper dirrty looking barmaid comes up to us dressed in camoflage, she has two tequila bottles with her. We all do shots. Her tits are bursting out her top. We all do more shots. We then neck a beer, play a round of Yee-Haa! and by the end I am completely fucked.
It is about 1:30am when I spot her. Not long until closing time and I am so hammered I have no idea how I am even standing. I am pretty sure the phrase 'to be hammered' must come from nights out with the West Ham lads, we fucking go for it. I see her dancing away with her mates. A group of girls all in Bolton Wanderers shirts, all looking proper grim; except one. She is stunning. Long blonde hair, tight ass. Clearly no bra on under the top, it is white and her nipples are bursting out of it. Dirrty totty! I head straight over there, eyes fixed on the hot blonde. I burst through the rotters that she calls friends, I have no time for niceties with them. I grab this Trotter by the hips and push her towards me. My leg goes between hers and she is basically sitting on my thigh. I start grinding with her, staring into her eyes. She looks back at mine. This is it! I am well in here!
I wasn't...she then headbutted me. It knocked me back, I was fucking shocked. I then turned around to see my mates pissing themselves and then fists from big butch rotters wearing Bolton 'fucking' Wanderers shirts started pounding into me. Luckily the bouncers came quickly to my rescue, especially lucky as my friends were too busy rolling on the ground with laughter to help. I was then escorted off the premises, I say escorted - I mean thrown into an alley, with force. I then called a taxi and awoke this morning an unhappy man.
I got a phone call later that day. It was Gaz.
"Alright mate, just wanted to see how you doing after your action last night."
"Fuck off!"
"Also wanted to let you know I got some action of my own."
"Fuck off, with who?"
"That blonde tottie that hit you round the head"
"Bollox!"
"No mate, fact, she was quite nice after I went up and apologised on your behalf. Cheers for that opening mate, got me first shirt there!"
"Oh fuuuuck off!"
Gaz now pissing himself ended with, "Don't worry mate, we play them again this season - you still have a chance!"
What a Prick!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Dismal Kick Off Premier League Season, Shit Night Out - The Birth of The Jersey Game
So the English Premier League has kicked off once again, season 2010-2011 is officially under way, another chapter of my life begins (yes my life is catergorised by Premier Leauge season, as every mans life should be), but sadly another chapter starts in misery. Not only was the World Cup in South Africa possibly the most disappointing display an England team has ever put on in my life time, but my beloved West Ham United have only gone and fucking followed suit. What a joke! I been bloody looking forward to this season for ages, hoping that it might provide the ray of sunshine to drag me out of the duldrum that was the World Cup. And when Martin O'Neill (ex Aston Villa Manager) packed his bags and left I really thought we could get off to a good start this year. Aston Villa on the first day, a club in turmoil, surely West Ham could knick a victory. But no! Of course not, three bloody nil! This season best not carry on like this otherwise you won't half get some angry rants from me! Not to mention my bloody life or death bet! What a joke! I am now seriously worried for my health...another chapter of my life, another miserable season!
After the game I could not feel any more annoyed, but I had one plus side going through my mind - a night out on Broad Street in Brum. I had travelled up to watch the game with my mate Gaz, the other lads couldn't get tickets, and I was certain we were going to drown our sorrows. I said to Gaz as we left the club, "I am going to get these Villains back - I am going to find a nice piece of Brum totty, preferably a Villa fan and then ram my cock right up her whilst she wears her Villa shirt".
Gaz fucking wet himself, "yeah bet you will mate" he fucking cackled his head off when he said that.
"Nah I fucking will mate, I am going to roger some Villa fan so hard she ain't walking straight tomorrow!" I said to him with anger and determination pouring out of my voice.
"Bollox!" Simple reply from what is frankly a simple man
"Telling ya mate, will be easy, there all be on the town on the proper piss tonight - match day is a garentee pussy day trust me, especially as the fuckers won!" Nearly even convinced myself then
"Alright!" Gaz started, "If you're so certain it is so easy to get laid after a match day, why don't you fucking prove it?" He had the smuggest fucking grin on his face so I knew he was getting to a point.
"I will fucking prove it," I was pretty much barking this at him, "I will fucking prove it tonight, I'll fucking a Villa fan - not only will I fuck her but I'll get right up her rotten as well!"
Gaz nearly rolled on the ground laughing now, "Bollox! And fuck that, not just tonight mate. If it was just tonight that might just be down to slutty Brummies - no no no, you my friend will have to prove it all season long."
"Well how the fuck am I meant to do that"
"The Jersey Game!"
"And what the fuck is The Jersey Game," I answered having a small idea considering the nature of the conversation I was in.
"Ah, The Jersey Game my friend is where you have one season to complete the challenge, of fucking a girl in every football strip. Everytime you fuck a girl whilst she wears a football shirt you win that shirt (not literally that would be theft), by the end of the season you should've won 20 shirts. The Jersey Game!"
I was feeling proper macho right now though, I was angry after the football, high on testosterone and desperate to prove Gaz was a thick twat that was wrong! "Fuck it! I'll do it"
So that night I hit the town, I had a new mission! I was going to fuck a bird whilst she wore a Villa shirt. We hit a club called the Custard Factory (which I was a little fucked off to find out had fuck all to do with custard), not quite on Broad Street but Gaz had heard it was a 'pilltastic' time. With this in mind, we swallowed some big fat munting E's before we went in and then hit the bar for some vod-bulls which were on offer. Before long we were both fucking munted and dancing like loons on the dancefloor! Then I spotted her, a prime piece of totty wearing a tight, Villa shirt which she had tied in a knot at the bottom so that her toned midriff was showing. She also had this short little denim skirt on. Target Spotted! I think I literally ran over to her with excitement, probably not the best entrance as I barged through the group of guys that surrounded her - any of them could have been her boyfriend, one of them was. I grabbed her by the arms and screamed "Dance with me!" and pulled her close to me! Clearly I was not at my smoothest! Then some big fucking guy grabs me and rips me off her and pulls me behind him, he was now between me and her. I looked at him in his big huge Villa shirt...it also showed his midriff but not quite as pleasant a site...this was a big beer bellied, tattooed Villa fan that had been downing some serious pintage all day. He looked at me and simply said "That's my bird mate." He said it in this fucking annoying Brummy accent and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Sorry mate, just wanted to fuck her ya know." I cackled.
"You what?" Getting even more high pitched in that annoying Brummy tone
"How did a lump like you get a piece of totty like that?" This was a mistake.
I now only remember seeing his very angry face, 4 chins wobbling with anger, and his big chubby fist swinging towards me. Then I remember bouncers literally throwing me out of the club and Gaz behind me.
Woke up this morning with a huge black eye to show for my troubles. Gaz also has some nice bruisers having apparently come to my aide! As we woke up in our tiny little travelodge room (more depressing then our night out) I turned to Gaz and said, "So that bet we made yesterday...The Jersey Game..."
"Still on mate"
"Bollox"
After the game I could not feel any more annoyed, but I had one plus side going through my mind - a night out on Broad Street in Brum. I had travelled up to watch the game with my mate Gaz, the other lads couldn't get tickets, and I was certain we were going to drown our sorrows. I said to Gaz as we left the club, "I am going to get these Villains back - I am going to find a nice piece of Brum totty, preferably a Villa fan and then ram my cock right up her whilst she wears her Villa shirt".
Gaz fucking wet himself, "yeah bet you will mate" he fucking cackled his head off when he said that.
"Nah I fucking will mate, I am going to roger some Villa fan so hard she ain't walking straight tomorrow!" I said to him with anger and determination pouring out of my voice.
"Bollox!" Simple reply from what is frankly a simple man
"Telling ya mate, will be easy, there all be on the town on the proper piss tonight - match day is a garentee pussy day trust me, especially as the fuckers won!" Nearly even convinced myself then
"Alright!" Gaz started, "If you're so certain it is so easy to get laid after a match day, why don't you fucking prove it?" He had the smuggest fucking grin on his face so I knew he was getting to a point.
"I will fucking prove it," I was pretty much barking this at him, "I will fucking prove it tonight, I'll fucking a Villa fan - not only will I fuck her but I'll get right up her rotten as well!"
Gaz nearly rolled on the ground laughing now, "Bollox! And fuck that, not just tonight mate. If it was just tonight that might just be down to slutty Brummies - no no no, you my friend will have to prove it all season long."
"Well how the fuck am I meant to do that"
"The Jersey Game!"
"And what the fuck is The Jersey Game," I answered having a small idea considering the nature of the conversation I was in.
"Ah, The Jersey Game my friend is where you have one season to complete the challenge, of fucking a girl in every football strip. Everytime you fuck a girl whilst she wears a football shirt you win that shirt (not literally that would be theft), by the end of the season you should've won 20 shirts. The Jersey Game!"
I was feeling proper macho right now though, I was angry after the football, high on testosterone and desperate to prove Gaz was a thick twat that was wrong! "Fuck it! I'll do it"
So that night I hit the town, I had a new mission! I was going to fuck a bird whilst she wore a Villa shirt. We hit a club called the Custard Factory (which I was a little fucked off to find out had fuck all to do with custard), not quite on Broad Street but Gaz had heard it was a 'pilltastic' time. With this in mind, we swallowed some big fat munting E's before we went in and then hit the bar for some vod-bulls which were on offer. Before long we were both fucking munted and dancing like loons on the dancefloor! Then I spotted her, a prime piece of totty wearing a tight, Villa shirt which she had tied in a knot at the bottom so that her toned midriff was showing. She also had this short little denim skirt on. Target Spotted! I think I literally ran over to her with excitement, probably not the best entrance as I barged through the group of guys that surrounded her - any of them could have been her boyfriend, one of them was. I grabbed her by the arms and screamed "Dance with me!" and pulled her close to me! Clearly I was not at my smoothest! Then some big fucking guy grabs me and rips me off her and pulls me behind him, he was now between me and her. I looked at him in his big huge Villa shirt...it also showed his midriff but not quite as pleasant a site...this was a big beer bellied, tattooed Villa fan that had been downing some serious pintage all day. He looked at me and simply said "That's my bird mate." He said it in this fucking annoying Brummy accent and I couldn't help but laugh.
"Sorry mate, just wanted to fuck her ya know." I cackled.
"You what?" Getting even more high pitched in that annoying Brummy tone
"How did a lump like you get a piece of totty like that?" This was a mistake.
I now only remember seeing his very angry face, 4 chins wobbling with anger, and his big chubby fist swinging towards me. Then I remember bouncers literally throwing me out of the club and Gaz behind me.
Woke up this morning with a huge black eye to show for my troubles. Gaz also has some nice bruisers having apparently come to my aide! As we woke up in our tiny little travelodge room (more depressing then our night out) I turned to Gaz and said, "So that bet we made yesterday...The Jersey Game..."
"Still on mate"
"Bollox"
Sunday, August 1, 2010
A New Bet...David Beckham: Could Goldenballs arrive? Could Plucky Parker leave?
A New Bet
I returned from South Africa a very scared man. I had made a stupid bet, I owed a lot of money, and now I would have to face the music. I got off the plane, with my equally hungover friends, and we shared a cab back into the East End. I returned home and crashed out on my sofa. I fell asleep instantly, but was woken within the hour. My door was bashed down and three huge men came running into my room, beat me to unconsciousness and then dragged me out of the flat. When I woke I was sitting tied to a chair; sitting across a nice wooden desk from the man I had sat across from not too many weeks before. It was him I had made the bet with, it was him I owed the money too. He asked me for it. I did not have it, I don't know why I ever expected to have it. He was not happy when I told him I had no money, but he was in know way suprised. He also, never expected me to have it. He was now going to do some very bad things to me. I had one out here, and I used it. I have now made a new bet. It is a double or nothing bet. If I lose I owe twice as much. If I win, I keep my life. I have now bet that West Ham United will not get relegated this season. The odds they will get relegated are around 3:1 by most bookies. Come on Hammers!! Do me this favour! If there is one thing in this world I have faith in, it's that the Hammers will always come through for me!
David Beckham: Could he arrive?
What a great coup that would be for the Hammers! David fucking Beckham playing in claret. He has denied the rumours but we can remain hopeful surely. If he wants to stay in the England squad, as he says he does, he really should move back to the Premier League and he could really shine at Upton Park. Beckham has leadership potential which could lift the entire team whilst at the same time has the skill to deliver results. Beckham is a great of British football and a Londoner at heart, I would happily watch him play for West Ham United.
Scott Parker: Please don't leave!
If I am going to win this bet, and West Ham United are going to stay up then they need to keep their best players. Scott Parker is certainly that. How he didn't get into the World Cup 2010 England Squad I do not know, but he bloody should have! He has been an unsung hero of all midfields he has been in and he has a leadership ability to match Beckhams. West Ham rejected Spurs' bid and I am grateful for it, Scott Parker can lead the team to good times this year and I will enjoy the ride!
I returned from South Africa a very scared man. I had made a stupid bet, I owed a lot of money, and now I would have to face the music. I got off the plane, with my equally hungover friends, and we shared a cab back into the East End. I returned home and crashed out on my sofa. I fell asleep instantly, but was woken within the hour. My door was bashed down and three huge men came running into my room, beat me to unconsciousness and then dragged me out of the flat. When I woke I was sitting tied to a chair; sitting across a nice wooden desk from the man I had sat across from not too many weeks before. It was him I had made the bet with, it was him I owed the money too. He asked me for it. I did not have it, I don't know why I ever expected to have it. He was not happy when I told him I had no money, but he was in know way suprised. He also, never expected me to have it. He was now going to do some very bad things to me. I had one out here, and I used it. I have now made a new bet. It is a double or nothing bet. If I lose I owe twice as much. If I win, I keep my life. I have now bet that West Ham United will not get relegated this season. The odds they will get relegated are around 3:1 by most bookies. Come on Hammers!! Do me this favour! If there is one thing in this world I have faith in, it's that the Hammers will always come through for me!
David Beckham: Could he arrive?
What a great coup that would be for the Hammers! David fucking Beckham playing in claret. He has denied the rumours but we can remain hopeful surely. If he wants to stay in the England squad, as he says he does, he really should move back to the Premier League and he could really shine at Upton Park. Beckham has leadership potential which could lift the entire team whilst at the same time has the skill to deliver results. Beckham is a great of British football and a Londoner at heart, I would happily watch him play for West Ham United.
Scott Parker: Please don't leave!
If I am going to win this bet, and West Ham United are going to stay up then they need to keep their best players. Scott Parker is certainly that. How he didn't get into the World Cup 2010 England Squad I do not know, but he bloody should have! He has been an unsung hero of all midfields he has been in and he has a leadership ability to match Beckhams. West Ham rejected Spurs' bid and I am grateful for it, Scott Parker can lead the team to good times this year and I will enjoy the ride!
Saturday, June 26, 2010
The Group Stage Hangover: A.K.A Dildos, Coke and World Cup Magic
Oh my days the sun in S.Africa is destroying my eyes! It is burning my soul and reminding me of the ways I have degraded myself over the last couple of days! Sorry I have not posted in a couple of days, but frankly I have been going rather crazy! England are through and we had to celebrate! And we fucking well did!!
So I went and found my bird! I pulled this New Zealand chick, if I had of known they were so fucking mental maybe I wouldn't have! Me, Butters, Daz and Gaz hit the town. Daz eye was not so swollen any more, my bruising had pretty much gone, Gaz's STD had been taken care of(and he had decided no pubes made him look bigger) and Butter was still red as a fucking beetroot but determined to drink away the pain. He hit it harder than any of us that night. When Butters hits it, it is harder than anyone else I know. After the Krauts went through Gaz walked in the room and shouted "The Krauts are through! Lets go have a fucking barney!" So we each snorted a line of the good stuff and then walked out into the town to what was becoming our local bar. We had been in there drinking all day and when we walked back in, already rowdy as the coke made our brains zing, the barmaid smiled and pulled four pints - didn't even have to ask! Butter's turned round and said, "oi love, get us four jaeger and buzzers will ya" - we then did four jaegerbombs and chased it with our Larger. We stayed in there and drank for about an hour, by time we left I was already feeling it. I was struggling not to fall over and my words were slurring. We then walked into the main street and jumped into this packed bar. It was full of drunken Krauts and raudy Brits. The Krauts on one side singing their shoddy national anthem, and the Brits on the other banging out the English national anthem. I looked at Gaz, he looked back at me - we knew this night was going to be massive. I strolled right up to the bar and said "four sambucca's and four snakebite please love" - the foolish barmaid had no idea what I was on about! I had to explain to her what a snakebite was but still she made a fucking good one and she had lovely tits so I weren't too bothered. Sitting next to me was this right hot lass, she had legs that ran all the way up! Her dress was just short enough to make you think you might get a glimpse of ass if she bent over wrong way. Her tits were bulging out of it an all! Just looking at her my cock was straining against my boxers, I could feel my cum bubbling desperate to squirt on her tits! She was laughing at me struggling to explain what a snakebite is. "Are you laughing at me?" I said, perhaps in a tone a bit more brash than charming.
"Who do you think I am laughing at you fucking pom," she laughed as she revealed her New Zealand accent and got up out her seat and went and sat at a table surrounded by other lads. The table was right in the middle of the bar, the barrier between the English and the Germans. That was a brave fucking place to sit. As she walked off I stared at her ass shake and my balls ached with excitement. Fuck it I was gonna have her that night. I did my shot of sambucca, downed half 1 of the pints then picked up the tray of drinks and slammed it down on the New Zealand table. My friends didn't even notice I had gone, they were already helping themselves to a pitcher the British lads had shared with them and were currently screaming something about "VINDALOO!"
"Help yourselves boys" I arrogantly said as I put the drinks down.
"Oi pom, don't think you're gonna have 'er mate, she is one of us!" said this hench new zealand lad. I could tell they were from New Zealand because they all had fucking rugby shirts on, All Black shirts.
"Don't worry mate, just want to have a good night." I replied and I pulled some Es I'd bought of our favourite hotel Affie out my pocket.
That is the last of the covnersation that I remember. The next thing I remember is a fuzzy image of dancing with the blonde, her fit ass grinding my body, my rock hard cock desperate to bulge out my jeans and she rubbed against it!
Then I remember her shoving her tongue down my throat as we staggered out the club! I remember we stumbled back to mine, pulling the whole way back, I kept grabbing her tits and pulling them out her dress down the street. By the time we were back at the hotel she had one tit hanging out, and her skirt was ridden up so everyone could she her thong. I remember trying to get into my room but I could hear Gaz going at it with some bird inside...the girl seemed to be shouting something in German!
That is all I remember of the night. The next morning I woke up in a hotel room which I can only assume was hers. The sheets were strewn across the room, she was laying on the balcony naked with a fag in her mouth, had she even been to sleep? There was a dildo laying on the pillow next to me, it smelt (not of cum but of shit). there were johnnies everywhere but my cock also was moist and reaked of pussy - I had definitely gone bareback on her at somepoint! My back was sore, she had scratched my back and slapped my ass red. She noticed I was awake and strolled in, she was limping slightly, we must have done some mental shit last night. "You best go mate, my mates got in trouble last night I gotta go help them out"
"Right...ok, what happened with us last night?" I said looking around the torn up, cum splattered room.
"Lets just say you learnt a few new things." She said with a right cheeky little grin.
"Yeah well cheers love I said," and I got up to leave not really sure who had used who, had we just had a mutual fuck - Not sure that exists, not in Britain anyway.
"Oi, you going to leave your new friend here?" She asked whilst waving the shit streaked rampant rabbit at me as I bent over to pick up my shoes. As I bent over I had a sudden realisation, my ass abosultely cained! I now know what happened with that dildo. I looked at her with a grin, what a fucking awesome night!
Next day I rocked back up at the hotel. The lads and some German bird were sitting round a table by the pool drinking cocktails and having a right greesy fry up. "Whose the chick?" I asked, to hungover to care how rude I was being.
"My new German buddy," replied Gaz.
"She's the fucking enemy mate, on Sunday it's us versus them remember!" I responsed in an appalled voice.
"Oh yeah...see ya love" and with that gaz just picked up his fry-up and cocktail and walked round the pool into the hotel. Daz, me and Butters looked at eachother, shrugged and got up as well. We went down our 'local'; they pulled us our usual four largers and we settled in to tell eachother of the night before and watch Brazil versus Portugal. Turns out Butters and Daz had met up with my Bird's New Zealand mates and had a bit of a barney. They were shouting at them asking where me and her were. They just said fuck off and through a glass at them. Big fight broke out, police intervened. Daz and Butters sneak off round the back and the New Zealand lot go proper at it with the coppers.
We could not be more let down by the Brazil game. Glimpses of magic but not what we hoped. We then watched Spain fail to live up to their hype. Same glimpses but know sustained magic. And with that the Group stages were done. I have still got the Argies down as winning the whole thing, although I hope it is us. That bet still looms in the back of my mind. The trouble I will be in if we lose, the glory I will be in if we win. I have to go proper at it for the rest of the tournament, living large everynight, cos fuck it - if we don't win this fucking tournament I might be a fucking dead man.
Predictions for the second round - if your a betting man, which I would encourage, I would go for these. Uruguay 2 South Korea 1, U.S.A 2 Ghana 1, Germany 1 England 1 (we win on fucking penalties!), Argentina 1 Mexico 1, Netherlands 2 Slovakia 0, Brazil 3 Chile 0, Paraguay 2 Japan 1, Spain 2 Portugal 1.
It is going to be fucking awesome!
Follow my drunken updates on Twitter here.
So I went and found my bird! I pulled this New Zealand chick, if I had of known they were so fucking mental maybe I wouldn't have! Me, Butters, Daz and Gaz hit the town. Daz eye was not so swollen any more, my bruising had pretty much gone, Gaz's STD had been taken care of(and he had decided no pubes made him look bigger) and Butter was still red as a fucking beetroot but determined to drink away the pain. He hit it harder than any of us that night. When Butters hits it, it is harder than anyone else I know. After the Krauts went through Gaz walked in the room and shouted "The Krauts are through! Lets go have a fucking barney!" So we each snorted a line of the good stuff and then walked out into the town to what was becoming our local bar. We had been in there drinking all day and when we walked back in, already rowdy as the coke made our brains zing, the barmaid smiled and pulled four pints - didn't even have to ask! Butter's turned round and said, "oi love, get us four jaeger and buzzers will ya" - we then did four jaegerbombs and chased it with our Larger. We stayed in there and drank for about an hour, by time we left I was already feeling it. I was struggling not to fall over and my words were slurring. We then walked into the main street and jumped into this packed bar. It was full of drunken Krauts and raudy Brits. The Krauts on one side singing their shoddy national anthem, and the Brits on the other banging out the English national anthem. I looked at Gaz, he looked back at me - we knew this night was going to be massive. I strolled right up to the bar and said "four sambucca's and four snakebite please love" - the foolish barmaid had no idea what I was on about! I had to explain to her what a snakebite was but still she made a fucking good one and she had lovely tits so I weren't too bothered. Sitting next to me was this right hot lass, she had legs that ran all the way up! Her dress was just short enough to make you think you might get a glimpse of ass if she bent over wrong way. Her tits were bulging out of it an all! Just looking at her my cock was straining against my boxers, I could feel my cum bubbling desperate to squirt on her tits! She was laughing at me struggling to explain what a snakebite is. "Are you laughing at me?" I said, perhaps in a tone a bit more brash than charming.
"Who do you think I am laughing at you fucking pom," she laughed as she revealed her New Zealand accent and got up out her seat and went and sat at a table surrounded by other lads. The table was right in the middle of the bar, the barrier between the English and the Germans. That was a brave fucking place to sit. As she walked off I stared at her ass shake and my balls ached with excitement. Fuck it I was gonna have her that night. I did my shot of sambucca, downed half 1 of the pints then picked up the tray of drinks and slammed it down on the New Zealand table. My friends didn't even notice I had gone, they were already helping themselves to a pitcher the British lads had shared with them and were currently screaming something about "VINDALOO!"
"Help yourselves boys" I arrogantly said as I put the drinks down.
"Oi pom, don't think you're gonna have 'er mate, she is one of us!" said this hench new zealand lad. I could tell they were from New Zealand because they all had fucking rugby shirts on, All Black shirts.
"Don't worry mate, just want to have a good night." I replied and I pulled some Es I'd bought of our favourite hotel Affie out my pocket.
That is the last of the covnersation that I remember. The next thing I remember is a fuzzy image of dancing with the blonde, her fit ass grinding my body, my rock hard cock desperate to bulge out my jeans and she rubbed against it!
Then I remember her shoving her tongue down my throat as we staggered out the club! I remember we stumbled back to mine, pulling the whole way back, I kept grabbing her tits and pulling them out her dress down the street. By the time we were back at the hotel she had one tit hanging out, and her skirt was ridden up so everyone could she her thong. I remember trying to get into my room but I could hear Gaz going at it with some bird inside...the girl seemed to be shouting something in German!
That is all I remember of the night. The next morning I woke up in a hotel room which I can only assume was hers. The sheets were strewn across the room, she was laying on the balcony naked with a fag in her mouth, had she even been to sleep? There was a dildo laying on the pillow next to me, it smelt (not of cum but of shit). there were johnnies everywhere but my cock also was moist and reaked of pussy - I had definitely gone bareback on her at somepoint! My back was sore, she had scratched my back and slapped my ass red. She noticed I was awake and strolled in, she was limping slightly, we must have done some mental shit last night. "You best go mate, my mates got in trouble last night I gotta go help them out"
"Right...ok, what happened with us last night?" I said looking around the torn up, cum splattered room.
"Lets just say you learnt a few new things." She said with a right cheeky little grin.
"Yeah well cheers love I said," and I got up to leave not really sure who had used who, had we just had a mutual fuck - Not sure that exists, not in Britain anyway.
"Oi, you going to leave your new friend here?" She asked whilst waving the shit streaked rampant rabbit at me as I bent over to pick up my shoes. As I bent over I had a sudden realisation, my ass abosultely cained! I now know what happened with that dildo. I looked at her with a grin, what a fucking awesome night!
Next day I rocked back up at the hotel. The lads and some German bird were sitting round a table by the pool drinking cocktails and having a right greesy fry up. "Whose the chick?" I asked, to hungover to care how rude I was being.
"My new German buddy," replied Gaz.
"She's the fucking enemy mate, on Sunday it's us versus them remember!" I responsed in an appalled voice.
"Oh yeah...see ya love" and with that gaz just picked up his fry-up and cocktail and walked round the pool into the hotel. Daz, me and Butters looked at eachother, shrugged and got up as well. We went down our 'local'; they pulled us our usual four largers and we settled in to tell eachother of the night before and watch Brazil versus Portugal. Turns out Butters and Daz had met up with my Bird's New Zealand mates and had a bit of a barney. They were shouting at them asking where me and her were. They just said fuck off and through a glass at them. Big fight broke out, police intervened. Daz and Butters sneak off round the back and the New Zealand lot go proper at it with the coppers.
We could not be more let down by the Brazil game. Glimpses of magic but not what we hoped. We then watched Spain fail to live up to their hype. Same glimpses but know sustained magic. And with that the Group stages were done. I have still got the Argies down as winning the whole thing, although I hope it is us. That bet still looms in the back of my mind. The trouble I will be in if we lose, the glory I will be in if we win. I have to go proper at it for the rest of the tournament, living large everynight, cos fuck it - if we don't win this fucking tournament I might be a fucking dead man.
Predictions for the second round - if your a betting man, which I would encourage, I would go for these. Uruguay 2 South Korea 1, U.S.A 2 Ghana 1, Germany 1 England 1 (we win on fucking penalties!), Argentina 1 Mexico 1, Netherlands 2 Slovakia 0, Brazil 3 Chile 0, Paraguay 2 Japan 1, Spain 2 Portugal 1.
It is going to be fucking awesome!
Follow my drunken updates on Twitter here.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
England Are Bloody Through in World Cup 2010!
Yes we are bloody through! We always do it the hard way but we get there in the end! Now bring on the Krauts! it has been absolutely mental since that first goal! Sitting there all tense we were, scared off our bollox! I had my bet in the back of my head the whole time! Still can't believe I made it! But as soon as that goal went in we went absolutely ape shit! Fucking Jermaine Defoe! I been saying whole time that he should be in the bloody team! As soon as that goal went in the pints got downed, the shots got bought and the coke got snorted! We knew we were going through and we fucking went for it! Mind you that only lasted until the 70th minute, then the nerves hit in and the coke only made it worse. I was frantic, running around asking people what they thought the score would be...would we go through?...What was the USA score? When the final whistle went I was stuck on the toilet 'relieving my nerves'...didn't stop Gaz coming screaming in, banging through the door and jumping on me in merriment!! He was less impressed when he realised I was still shitting as he was pretending to hump me! But then he just ran back into the bar with the screaming fans! I could hear Butters and Daz screaming "Vindalooo Vindalooo!" as the door swang open and shut! We then downed another couple of pints and have now sprinted back to our hotel for a quick change, watch the Krauts go out as we do, and then back out to celebrate and find me some ladies!
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Awesome Argies!
Argentina actually rock my fuckin socks! Somehow they managed to take part in a bloody boring game and yet still manage to be absolutely fanBLOODYtastic! I must say that my bet that they will win it is looking better and better! Messi yet to score, but it will happen - best player in the world!
Tell ya what though, was sitting in the bar watching all these games today (three - bloody brilliant) and all we could talk about was the game tomorrow. Nerves are high here, imagine what there like in the team. Gerrard finally decided to talk up, time for him to show he can lead tomorrow. Time for Rooney to show he is best in the world. Time for England to grab the game by the scruff of the neck and play the way we know they can. Bout time we saw Joe Cole out there ain't it, get a bit of flair out there - fuck it even if we do loose at least he will entertain us as we do. I reckon Ashley Cole will have another stormer tomorrow - fuck him, he makes me so confused (not in a gay way), he is absolute scum on and off the pitch but damn it I am glad he is British!
The drink took its toll on Butters, he has literally been in bed or the toilet all day. He wet the bed twice last night. Not looking good for him. Funniest fucking thing happened to Gaz. So the Affie Doc perhaps was not the best option, the rash has gone but so have his pubes! The cream made the fuckers fall out! How absolutely brilliant is that! He rekons he can still pull though, he actually claimed he liked it cos it made his little roger look not so little. He claimed that if England win tomorrow he is going to have a threesome with two drunk England fans. Now you might be thinking he has already arranged this and knows a couple up for it, but no no - he just an arrogant wanker that thinks he has that much charm. Now I am rather worried about my long dry spell. Not had one bird out here yet, can't go back home having not banged one. Tomorrow night is the night, I am going to unload on someone - don't care what country and to be honest what they look like - Any Hole is A Goal as they say! Wish same was true for England, then that big Beckham shaped hole in our team would be brilliant! Daz is his usual drunken self...he burnt today, peeled the whole fucking thing of in the pub - that's the way to impress the ladies!
Oh yeah and the fucking frogs are out!! FanBLOODYtastic!
Tell ya what though, was sitting in the bar watching all these games today (three - bloody brilliant) and all we could talk about was the game tomorrow. Nerves are high here, imagine what there like in the team. Gerrard finally decided to talk up, time for him to show he can lead tomorrow. Time for Rooney to show he is best in the world. Time for England to grab the game by the scruff of the neck and play the way we know they can. Bout time we saw Joe Cole out there ain't it, get a bit of flair out there - fuck it even if we do loose at least he will entertain us as we do. I reckon Ashley Cole will have another stormer tomorrow - fuck him, he makes me so confused (not in a gay way), he is absolute scum on and off the pitch but damn it I am glad he is British!
The drink took its toll on Butters, he has literally been in bed or the toilet all day. He wet the bed twice last night. Not looking good for him. Funniest fucking thing happened to Gaz. So the Affie Doc perhaps was not the best option, the rash has gone but so have his pubes! The cream made the fuckers fall out! How absolutely brilliant is that! He rekons he can still pull though, he actually claimed he liked it cos it made his little roger look not so little. He claimed that if England win tomorrow he is going to have a threesome with two drunk England fans. Now you might be thinking he has already arranged this and knows a couple up for it, but no no - he just an arrogant wanker that thinks he has that much charm. Now I am rather worried about my long dry spell. Not had one bird out here yet, can't go back home having not banged one. Tomorrow night is the night, I am going to unload on someone - don't care what country and to be honest what they look like - Any Hole is A Goal as they say! Wish same was true for England, then that big Beckham shaped hole in our team would be brilliant! Daz is his usual drunken self...he burnt today, peeled the whole fucking thing of in the pub - that's the way to impress the ladies!
Oh yeah and the fucking frogs are out!! FanBLOODYtastic!
Monday, June 21, 2010
Return of Ronaldo
Tell ya what the Spics and the Portuguese are going mental over here!! A few of em have clashed in there drunken states...weird to see them not trying to kick us in...
How good were portugal though! I know they were against crap opposition but this is what we like to see ain't it! Some quality skills and some quality football! They ain't going to win the bloody thing, not by a long shot, but they proved they of a good class and have players to build a team round for next time. I am a big fan of theres! Ronaldo has scored...will he now be stopped, can Messi stand up and challenge him! Great week of football ahead!
Spain were quality as well...definitely something to get the vuvuzelas going! Torres will be scoring in no time and in the meantime villa is pooing all over the opposition...they are clearly a force in this tournament and rightly one of the favourites...my money is still on us or the Argies though!
The England camp is nearly as bad as the bloody frogs now. Terry turning round saying one thing, Capello saying another, Lampard stuck in the middle. How are Lampard and Terry the ones talking...stand up 'Stevie G' your meant to be the bloody captain!
The whole day has been crazy! Gaz has finally been given this cream that stops the itching...the rash was turning into sores so hopefully we won't hear his bloody moaning any more! Daz has been shacked up with this bird he met by the pool all day, she is a dutch bird (love them) and literally our walls are too thin, so we have all vacated the premises. They got talking over his massive black eye and he seemed to charm her despite his lack of a personality. My black eye on the other hand has got me nothing but disgraced looks, and the odd quick drink from a camp bartender afraid I'll stir up trouble or something. Butters has just been butters really...there, you don't want him to go - but you don't want him to stay. Just been a great day of watching the football to be honest.
How good were portugal though! I know they were against crap opposition but this is what we like to see ain't it! Some quality skills and some quality football! They ain't going to win the bloody thing, not by a long shot, but they proved they of a good class and have players to build a team round for next time. I am a big fan of theres! Ronaldo has scored...will he now be stopped, can Messi stand up and challenge him! Great week of football ahead!
Spain were quality as well...definitely something to get the vuvuzelas going! Torres will be scoring in no time and in the meantime villa is pooing all over the opposition...they are clearly a force in this tournament and rightly one of the favourites...my money is still on us or the Argies though!
The England camp is nearly as bad as the bloody frogs now. Terry turning round saying one thing, Capello saying another, Lampard stuck in the middle. How are Lampard and Terry the ones talking...stand up 'Stevie G' your meant to be the bloody captain!
The whole day has been crazy! Gaz has finally been given this cream that stops the itching...the rash was turning into sores so hopefully we won't hear his bloody moaning any more! Daz has been shacked up with this bird he met by the pool all day, she is a dutch bird (love them) and literally our walls are too thin, so we have all vacated the premises. They got talking over his massive black eye and he seemed to charm her despite his lack of a personality. My black eye on the other hand has got me nothing but disgraced looks, and the odd quick drink from a camp bartender afraid I'll stir up trouble or something. Butters has just been butters really...there, you don't want him to go - but you don't want him to stay. Just been a great day of watching the football to be honest.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Furious Frogs, Irate Itai's and Brilliant Brazilians
Got to say, I am loving the demise of Italy and France! What the bloody hell is going on over there. So Malouda has an argument with the manager before the tournament and gets benched, then Anelka has an argument after the first game and gets sent home, and then just after the second game, Evra has an argument with some fitness coach and the manager - the team back Evra and refuse to train - some Director of Football quits and flies home and the manager reads out a statement from the players saying they will train in the future but hate the French Football Association. Basically, France are fucked and I am loving it. I was talking to this French geeze by the pool earlier, and no joke, he hates Domenech - can you blame them! At lease I still have hope we will beat Slovenia - this guy had given up all hope! Oh well, bye bye Frogs!
Italy n'all! What the hell is going on there! They are shit this year - World Champions four years ago, struggling to get through the group now. Inter Milan are the champions of Europe though sadly none of there players are Italian. The Itai's around the bar tonight looked so miserable. I will not miss them when they have gone home. They really are a total bunch of posers, and they hold on to their birds like anything. The game was frankly dull as shit, so I went over to this right hottie at the bar (I must admit I was on the brink of being three sheets) and I was just chatting away to her - using the ol' British Charm...and this right ponce of an Itai comes strutting over to me and starts giving it the ol' Italian hand right in my face. This little poncy guy with his gucci sunglasses and his slicked back hair, medallian round his beefy neck, who thinks he is hard just cos he bought a t-shirt a couple sizes too small. They ain't muscles mate thats just fat being squeezed...his arms look like butchers sausages. I couldn't be arsed to have a barney with him so I just shrug him off and carry on chatting with the lady at the bar, apparently she is his missus or something cos he got proper annoyed and went for it. Whipped off his gucci shades and went to plant a scottish kiss right into my chest, Zidane style you know. This, taking me by complete surprise, throws me against the bar. The guy put some force into it, must have been the built up frustration from watching his team be a completely dier bunch of wank (I cant relate having struggled through England Vs Algeria). Lucky Daz and Gaz (still itching his way through the days) got straight up and laid in to the guy. The rest of the Itai's, all trying to hide their tears as New Zealand made them look foolish, shot out their chairs and before you can say Bob's your uncle me, Daz and Gaz were sprinting out the joint (although Gaz was running slightly like John Wayne). Bye Bye Itai's, you can fuck off no one likes you here.
So Brazil are on a fucking rampage, I really can't decide between them and Argentina now. I have to say though, I still reckon the Argies will have them. It just seems like one of those things, so doubted before the cup begins, but turn up with this mental manager who is a legend in the country - the best player in the world rises to the occasion and becomes known to be possibly better then his manager, whilst the manager secures himself in the heart of Argentinian fans despite all his previous wrong doings. Disney couldn't fucking write that shit.
Italy n'all! What the hell is going on there! They are shit this year - World Champions four years ago, struggling to get through the group now. Inter Milan are the champions of Europe though sadly none of there players are Italian. The Itai's around the bar tonight looked so miserable. I will not miss them when they have gone home. They really are a total bunch of posers, and they hold on to their birds like anything. The game was frankly dull as shit, so I went over to this right hottie at the bar (I must admit I was on the brink of being three sheets) and I was just chatting away to her - using the ol' British Charm...and this right ponce of an Itai comes strutting over to me and starts giving it the ol' Italian hand right in my face. This little poncy guy with his gucci sunglasses and his slicked back hair, medallian round his beefy neck, who thinks he is hard just cos he bought a t-shirt a couple sizes too small. They ain't muscles mate thats just fat being squeezed...his arms look like butchers sausages. I couldn't be arsed to have a barney with him so I just shrug him off and carry on chatting with the lady at the bar, apparently she is his missus or something cos he got proper annoyed and went for it. Whipped off his gucci shades and went to plant a scottish kiss right into my chest, Zidane style you know. This, taking me by complete surprise, throws me against the bar. The guy put some force into it, must have been the built up frustration from watching his team be a completely dier bunch of wank (I cant relate having struggled through England Vs Algeria). Lucky Daz and Gaz (still itching his way through the days) got straight up and laid in to the guy. The rest of the Itai's, all trying to hide their tears as New Zealand made them look foolish, shot out their chairs and before you can say Bob's your uncle me, Daz and Gaz were sprinting out the joint (although Gaz was running slightly like John Wayne). Bye Bye Itai's, you can fuck off no one likes you here.
So Brazil are on a fucking rampage, I really can't decide between them and Argentina now. I have to say though, I still reckon the Argies will have them. It just seems like one of those things, so doubted before the cup begins, but turn up with this mental manager who is a legend in the country - the best player in the world rises to the occasion and becomes known to be possibly better then his manager, whilst the manager secures himself in the heart of Argentinian fans despite all his previous wrong doings. Disney couldn't fucking write that shit.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Parties in paradise
You won't believe what it is like out here! You really do have to see it to believe it! Not so much the football, well except sadly the krauts, but the parties are mental. Not had any rucks yet, well a knocked the fuck out of 1 yank but he didn't half deserve it. Been lovin it far too much to get in a barney. It is impossible to nark me when I am in this paradise.
The plane flight was awesome. Me and the lads (gaz, dazza and butters) all got absolutely wrecked. Drinks have a bloody strong affect when your up in a plane. I made a right cock of myself with the air hostess. I asked for my 6th vodka and coke and I could've sworn she was flirting with me, so when she wandered back up to near the toilets are, you know where the trolley dollys all hang out, I went up over to her and asked her if she fancied letting me take her a mile high. She didn't. She did feel the need to slap me and refuse to serve us for the rest of the flight.
So first night was mental. We did some hardcore drinking and didn't even make it out the hotel. Gaz scored some blow off some affie that worked in the hotel. You gotta try the African shit, there stuff is pure! We parties till late and slept through the opening ceremony and s.Africa game the next day. I think the only thing that woke us was there partying, and they don't half fucking party.
So the night s.Africa drew the game and the competition started the whole place went fricking mental. We started with some more of the coke that the affie sold us, gave us a good kick start for the night. We went down to this bar and all the affies were going mental, all the fans from other teams were joining as well. I got absolutely battered with daz and butters and we all ended up passed put on sun beds by the hotel pool. Gaz on the other hand got absolutely fucked, literally. He says all he can remember is doing some tequila shots with this affie beauty and then waking up and seeing the same beauty standing across the room naked. I tell you what though he weren't half fucking shocked when she started screaming at him asking for her money. She was a fucking prossie!
After gaz relayed all that shit to us we trundled our very hungover selves to get some breakfast and watch the football. We stayed there all day and got plied with drink by some beauty of an affie barmaids. The argie's fucking won, but to be fair they look decent, gotta say if not us there probably win the thing. God I hope it's not the fuckin krauts, I ain't come all this was to see that. But rob fucking green! What a twat! He really is a right tit! I was loaded with drink, right up for the game and then he goes and does that. I drowned my sorrow with some wife-beater and we all got wrecked. Then we straggled back to our temporary gaff and some fuckin yanks were winding us right up. Thucis one guy kept fking shouting about how green showed everything about England, "always dropping the ball", he just wound me right up and I ended up nuttin him. Think I broke his fucking nose. Ah well, deserved!
So yeah felt pretty rough today and didn't help having to watch the Krauts light the fucking tourno up. Plus gaz pissing me off moaning about how he is getting all itchy. Anyway tomorrow we can look forward to Japs getting stuffed by the Cammies, got that one down as 2-0 to Cameroon. Netherlands gone fuck the danes 2-0 an all I reckon. Italy is gonna be dull as fuck, I reckon they are right shit. Paraguay ain't bad though, still saying 0-0 though if you having a gamble. I plan to be actually wrecked on the floor by the Itai game!
The plane flight was awesome. Me and the lads (gaz, dazza and butters) all got absolutely wrecked. Drinks have a bloody strong affect when your up in a plane. I made a right cock of myself with the air hostess. I asked for my 6th vodka and coke and I could've sworn she was flirting with me, so when she wandered back up to near the toilets are, you know where the trolley dollys all hang out, I went up over to her and asked her if she fancied letting me take her a mile high. She didn't. She did feel the need to slap me and refuse to serve us for the rest of the flight.
So first night was mental. We did some hardcore drinking and didn't even make it out the hotel. Gaz scored some blow off some affie that worked in the hotel. You gotta try the African shit, there stuff is pure! We parties till late and slept through the opening ceremony and s.Africa game the next day. I think the only thing that woke us was there partying, and they don't half fucking party.
So the night s.Africa drew the game and the competition started the whole place went fricking mental. We started with some more of the coke that the affie sold us, gave us a good kick start for the night. We went down to this bar and all the affies were going mental, all the fans from other teams were joining as well. I got absolutely battered with daz and butters and we all ended up passed put on sun beds by the hotel pool. Gaz on the other hand got absolutely fucked, literally. He says all he can remember is doing some tequila shots with this affie beauty and then waking up and seeing the same beauty standing across the room naked. I tell you what though he weren't half fucking shocked when she started screaming at him asking for her money. She was a fucking prossie!
After gaz relayed all that shit to us we trundled our very hungover selves to get some breakfast and watch the football. We stayed there all day and got plied with drink by some beauty of an affie barmaids. The argie's fucking won, but to be fair they look decent, gotta say if not us there probably win the thing. God I hope it's not the fuckin krauts, I ain't come all this was to see that. But rob fucking green! What a twat! He really is a right tit! I was loaded with drink, right up for the game and then he goes and does that. I drowned my sorrow with some wife-beater and we all got wrecked. Then we straggled back to our temporary gaff and some fuckin yanks were winding us right up. Thucis one guy kept fking shouting about how green showed everything about England, "always dropping the ball", he just wound me right up and I ended up nuttin him. Think I broke his fucking nose. Ah well, deserved!
So yeah felt pretty rough today and didn't help having to watch the Krauts light the fucking tourno up. Plus gaz pissing me off moaning about how he is getting all itchy. Anyway tomorrow we can look forward to Japs getting stuffed by the Cammies, got that one down as 2-0 to Cameroon. Netherlands gone fuck the danes 2-0 an all I reckon. Italy is gonna be dull as fuck, I reckon they are right shit. Paraguay ain't bad though, still saying 0-0 though if you having a gamble. I plan to be actually wrecked on the floor by the Itai game!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Announcements and Preperations
Today I am preparing for the summer of a lifetime!! I have my flight booked to South Africa and ready to have a mash up! The squads been announced, no Walcott - thank god! Useless fuck in any case...he only has the one trick and that is full of pelting it at the defence...no need for a Gooner in the team. We are going to fucking win this World Cup and I am gonna be out there lovin it! Shame not all the lads could get tickets, Jon still has his ban on. Me and him went down the station earlier dropped off his passport. As soon as we walked out he turns round to me and says "make sure you beat the shit out of the krauts when your there mate". I just looked at him and gave him a knowing nod in return, cos I tell ya what...I bloody will as well!
So England preparing to go apparently, well so am I mate. Can't fucking wait, whilst Capello was tellin the fella's that they ain't making the trip, I was down the pub with my fella's planning on where to get the first bit of the action. Jon is our very own Walcott, sadly just missed out on this one...maybe next time though mate. Got absolutely hammered that night though, can't fucking wait, whole trip gonna be just like it.
So England preparing to go apparently, well so am I mate. Can't fucking wait, whilst Capello was tellin the fella's that they ain't making the trip, I was down the pub with my fella's planning on where to get the first bit of the action. Jon is our very own Walcott, sadly just missed out on this one...maybe next time though mate. Got absolutely hammered that night though, can't fucking wait, whole trip gonna be just like it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)