Holland, Spain, Football, Psychic Octopus - Beautiful Day, Beautiful Game

I say beautiful day, I don't neccessarily mean weather wise but I definitely think it will live on as a beautiful day in the memory. Waking up with the memory of a room full of crazy dutch people mid-orgy was very good start! The Holland versus Uruguay game might have been dull, but the after party was not! Hup Holland Hup! was the cry...and I tell you what having a girl scream that as she rides you is fanFUCKINGtastic! Basically Gaz dragged us out with the Dutch bird he has been shagging...again apparently enjoys his pubeless cock! So we went along with her to this bar which was full of the Dutch, already partying as if they had won. Which of course they then did, thanks to a Mr. Robbe and a Mr. Sneijder! So the party then kicked off even more, any niggling worries that they wouldn't win were gone! The dutch bird Gaz was with (fuck knows her name, doubt he even knows) got absolutely wrecked and passed out in the pub...not before sucking off Gaz in the bog!

I ended up palling up with this bird Enid...proper Dutch name, love it!...me and her snuck off and went back to the hotel..took some serious coke that we bought off our favourite Affie helper in the hotel! Turns out that she gets uber horny when high, she basically ripped my clothes off and hopped on me...then she pretty much ripped off my cock as she shouted "Hup Holland Hup" whilst riding me! Was actually a quality fuck though...I let out the biggest grunt as I blew my load up her! Shit didn't use anything...hope I don't get what will now been known as the Gaz-rash.

Whilst I was laying on my bed gasping to get my breath back after having been vigorous fucked by a Dutch women with a penchant for nipple pinching, she got a text. She turned around to me with a big smile and said "Fancy coming for party!" Now I too thought that she just had bad English and was inviting me to a party, sadly she actually wanted me to 'cum for a party'...as in cum in front of a party of people! I followed her, completely blindly i swear, into a party at another hotel...this was a fetish party! Mental! Everyone was Dutch...except Butters! He was tied up butt naked on a bed in the middle of a room whilst loadsa leather-clad Dutch people were either passed out from drugs or mid-orgy around him!
"What the fuck Butters! What the fuck are you doing?" I said over the din (yes I said the word din...I am now middle aged!)
"Oh shit thank God your here!...Get me out of here!"
"Where are the others?"
"Copped off with women..mine bought me here...why are you here?"
"Yeah your judging me...nice!"
I started attempting to untie him when suddenly surrounded by three Dutch women, 1 of which was Erin, they all looked very angry. Two huge Dutch men then came up behind me, this might end badly...they had whips in their hands!
"Why do they have whips!" asked Butters desperately, "Get me out of here now!"
And that is what I did...I launched my head into one of the guys chests (mainly because I couldn't reach his head) and sent him back against a wall. I then launched my right fist and then my left into his mates face, knocking him down. Everyone looked at me shocked as I desperately untied Butters...loads of naked men pulled out their women and came as us with angry faces across their heads...and condoms hanging off their other heads! We both squirmed out the room, recieving a fair few inadvertant cock slaps on our way out!

So that was an interesting end to that night. Turns our Gaz and Daz ended up having the same woman not two different...apparently they tried hard not to cross swords so fair play...Dutch are fucking weird!!

It is for that reason I now want the Spanish to win! And I don't give a shit what Paul the Psychic octopus fucking says before the next game! Wish he was there when I was making my ridiculous bet! Oracle my arse! Still glad the Spanish beat the fucking Krauts...just to shut people up! "Ohhh they are playing too pretty football" - how on earth can you play too pretty football...how can you be too good at the game to score, fuck off if only England could string half as many passes together!

World Cup 2010: The Netherlands Football Party has already started

The party here has already started, the warm up to the big game! And I ain't talking about these semi-finals...the Netherlands ain't worried about them - they are already partying for being in the World Cup Final. They are taking it bloody easy, no Suarez, why not assume they will win. I am sure Mr. Forlan will be a thorn in their side, but I am also sure they are going to breeze by. As are they seemingly. The party last night was wild and I only just got in for another one. There aren't many of us Brits left I must admit, and there ain't too many over nations around. The Germans still here of course, the Uruguayan's (if that's what they are called) are loving it, and the Spanish - well who doesn't love a senorita. But it is the dutch who are proper partying. I think they have that feeling, maybe this is their year! As a Brit, I know 'that feeling' is usually a lie - I don't see why the British ever get that feeling!

They have been going crazy!! Gaz is currently in one Dutch birds room right now! She was crazy though, proper tart - orange clothes, orange skin! She kept flashing us her orange thong, it says a lot about us that this actually impressed us! But Gaz was the one that got her suitably coked up in order to get back to hers. I hope for his sake she is as dirty as she seems.

Larissa Riquelme my new favourite star of World Cup 2010

So I woke up this morning, the first time in a long time with a clear head. The hangover had gone and the shits have stopped. I am now able to function again! Still no sign of the other lads though! I finally leave my disgusting, smelly bedroom and wander down to the pool. Still no sign of them! I walk into the lobby to see Butters sitting there with just a sock on his cock for clothing, black marker writing all over him, and dribble pouring from his mouth. He was gone, the boy was asleep and completely out of it. I looked over the receptionist, gorgeous little Affie bird! She just gave me a knowing smile and turned away. I then slapped Butters around the face, fucking hard I must say - the Affie receptionist jumped and yelped, the slap was that loud. Butters fucking jumped out his chair ready to throw some punches - being finally of clear mind, and Butters being completely fucked still - I was able to simply move out the way of his fist and push him back on the chair.
"Butters you wanker! It's me!"
"Oh, alright mate?"
"Where the fuck have you been?"
"I have been at some mental Uruguay party...fucking crazy...they made huge hands and were trying to drink using huge hands...the Valdez drinking game - if you dropped any you were out and had to down a dirty pint...they are mental mate!"

Butters went on to explain to me what had been happening over the last few days, where they had all been and what I had got up to! It would seem that all our worries about Butters going over board were misdirected, it was me that had gone crazy. The night of the England vs Germany game, and the subsequent demolishing of my World Cup hopes I had gone mental! I had got into a complete drunken and drug fueled craze that night, so much so that I really started to piss them all off when I was demanding to go find hookers (Gaz is not so up for this activity any more). Apparently I was certain it was the pick me up that we all needed! In the end they told me to go off and do it my fucking self, which I assume I did given the state of my yesterday. I will add, today I have proactively been to the toilet and wait the results tomorrow - I am sure I will be fine! I hope!

"Look at the fucking jugs on this one!" shouted Gaz as he strolled in, interupting Butters telling me how they had seen me around the hotel the last few days but I was on such a mind-warp I barely acknowledged them as I downed another pint or snoted another line, or welcomed another hooker - apparently there was 3!
"She is fucking beautiful!" Daz added intellectually.
The both had newspapers held open in front of them as they walked in.
"Apparently she was going to strip if Paraguay won the tournament! Well now I really hate those fucking Spics!" Gaz said in a childish manner of disbelief.
"Whose that then?" Butters asked as he climed out the sofa, seemingly unashamed that all he had on was a sock over his cock and he was covered in writing.
"Woahhh what the fuck!" Gaz jumped back surprised to see Butters in such a state (apparently they went to seperate parties last night). On the plus side Gaz dropped his paper as he jumped back and it landed open on my feet and with that I saw the lady of my dreams.

Larissa Riquelme - Not only a stunning lingerie model, but a football fan as well! She had promised to streak around a football pitch if Paraguay lifted the cup, she has been spotted celebrating with the crowds in Paraguay throughout - she also has amazing jubblies! I now love this women and must one day meet her! It was over our mutual love for Larissa Riquelme (I like to say the whole name) that I re-bonded with my mates, and assured them I was now over England's loss. I also told them about the bet, how much money I owed, and the threatening texts I has recieved. This made the lads understand my drunken downfall a lot more. They agree though...I am really fucked!

World Cup 2010: The Backlash of England's defeat, the Joy of the Germans

So I am sorry it has been a while since my last message...I must say I have not reacted well to England's defeat. Well to be fair, would you have if you had all I had riding on this. I have essentially fallen into an uncontrollable drunken and drugged up mess...living it up in S.Africa as if it is my last days, which essentially it is. The only thing that has broken up my drink and drug binge is fucking and football...the two most important f's!! and to be fair, the binge has often carried on through them! Orgasms on E...my new favourite thing!

Well at least we now all know why England were soo shit...and they did take shit too a whole new level! Though good to see Argentina get completely wanked over as well! We aren't the only team the Germans have thrashed, though it does now mean the two teams I backed for winning the bloody thing have bombed out! Don't ever listen to me! So yeah the rumours have been flying around recently about the sack of spuds that we call our national football team. Word is (and I feel I should re-iterate that these are pure rumours gathered in pubs full of drunken and annoyed England fans), Wayne Rooney was in Rio Ferdinand's restaurant the day before the game and well the News of The World got photos of him 'doing' things that he should not have! Things he has been caught doing before! There are also rumours surrounding the captain, mr 'stevie g' - dickhead that he is - being the third choice for captain doesn't leave him in good stead but when rumours arise of him 'doing' things that he should not be, this can only bring down his authority more. Which supposedly it did with first class prick John Terry deciding that if he had his captaincy taken away so should Gerrard - think about it Terry, it weren't a fucking team mates bird (just a relatives apparently)! I say again these are vicious rumours...but christ they didn't half play like something was on their minds!

All the time they are having the time of their fucking lives, well done for leaving the WAGs at home Capello that worked loads didn't it, I have had about 50 texts from Big John back in London - he wants his money the day of my return! I have no money! I have a plane ticket back home and a shit load of coke! I plan to snort every last bit of the coke through my rolled up ticket!

So as I mentioned I woke up today and noticed the room is a fucking shambles, I am a little worried about what has happened to Daz, Gaz and Butters - no sign at all. All that is in the room is a shit load of used condoms...a message written in lipstick on the mirror saying "Great fuck! Thanks x x " - this makes me grin like a chimp! There are half done lines of coke on every fucking surface...shambles of money strewn across the room (I really hope I didn't fuck an Aid's hooker!)...and no sign of anyone else. And I can barely remember anything after the E I dropped after the Germany game. I remember fucking this black beauty at one point!! Pointy tiny nipples is the memory that most stands out! We were on E so assume that was the first night, and assume that was her lipstick! You might say I am a little calm, to be fair - those three are probably out pissed now. I have stayed in on a recovery day today, watched the football and exploded into the toilet all day! I need a plan of how to find those guys and then what to do about Big John!

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