West Ham 1 Newcastle 2 - Grant losing fans

Another bitterly disappointing game! At the start of this season I would've had Newcastle as one of our relegation rivals, whilst we sadly remain bottom of the table Newcastle are riding (vaguely) high at ninth. How has this happened? Oh yeah, they have quality players. I like Piquionne and Obinna (mainly because I have to their our own hope) but they are not Andy Carroll are they! In fact I think Newcastle are probably only jealous of the fact we have Scott Parker rather then mentalist Joey Barton. I did almost get excited when Cole actually decided to turn up to a game this season and gave us the lead, but as always it was short lived as we crumbled when Newcastle dared to score against us. I have to say I was enraged by the way we deflated once they equalised and Newcastle thoroughly deserved the win in the end. I admit to booing as the players and Grant left the pitch. I have had enough, something has to change. I don't if its Grant or not, but something has to! We are bottom, deservedly so and we need to start picking up points against teams like Newcastle at home.

Post-game wasn't much better. Gaz actually started chatting up a Geordie bird at half-time and had won her jersey by the time the game was over. He got talking to her in a queue for chips, she was a brave one that had tickets for the wrong end but still worn her shirt. Then again, she was fit! When you're hot you can get away with anything! She had this long blonde hair (dyed I think), she had quite a thick tan (fake I'm sure, there's no sun in Newcastle) and she was wearing these jeans that showed off her long toned legs and tight ass. Her Newcastle shirt was tightly fitted to show off her perky breasts. Me, Daz and Butters gawped from a distance as Gaz gave her some proper chat. In the second half, Gaz never joined us in the stands (he didn't miss much), at The Boleyn later he informed us that once everyone had rushed back into the stands he and the bird had gone into a toilet and well, he won her jersey. Lucky prick! After the game we all felt quite deflated and Gaz had already got laid and won his jersey - needless to say we downed a couple of pints which failed to cheer us up and we slunk home, the rest of us failing to secure jerseys.

Hitzlsberger out, Hargreaves in, Liverpool survive

So it looks like the Scousers are going to survive. Damn shame but that's life! On the other hand how about the injustice of Hitzlsberger not being back for action yet. Damn shame The Hammers could use a quality player like him back in action, especially a World Cup winning player. It is always the international friendlies that fuck the clubs up the arse! and lets face it when your down like The Hammers are right now, things always keep going wrong! I am bitter about this one, especially now our relegation battle competitors Liverpool seem to be getting their act together. I know, I know, they ain't going to be down our end of the table for long - but we can only hope and prey can't we!

Also, Hargreaves is back! Proper, bitter sweet about this one! On one hand, how come United get their player back and ours still out...we are the one's that need the lift! On the other hand, last time I saw Hargreaves play he was fucking quality and England could def use that - enough of Barry, bring back the Canadian!

England - Crap

Just watched the England game on TV (thankfully didn't pay money for that crap) and I am deeply upset. We are the biggest pile of rubbish! Can't beat Montenegro...whats the point of turning up for Euro 2012 because we definitely won't win! Very upset with the game, was planning on getting royally pissed and completely wrecked afterwards but instead will just finish the bottle of Bud next to me and go cry into my pillow.

Only plus side was performances of Adam Johnson and Ashley Young. Should definitely be the wingers from now on. To be fair Montenegro are hard to break down but that's life, you still have to do it. I am not quite as deflated after the World Cup loss to Germany - but not far off.

Rooney was wank again! I thought it was his lack of sex that was the problem, but he just got back off a 'second honeymoon' and he was still awful - perhaps it's his lack of good sex (yes, I am suggesting Coleen is shit in bed and that's why Rooney gets prozzies - surely obvious conclusion?). Oh well, West Ham victory at weekend will cheer me up!

Capello Squad for Montenego - #3 Defenders and Keepers

As the game kicks off lets look at the defenders and keepers, doubt either will be tested.

Defenders

The Best in the World - Ashley Cole
As much as I hate to admit it Ashley Cole is still the best in the world in his position and he proved that when he was the only England player to bother turning up to the World Cup.

The Barrel Scraper - Phil Jagielka
He has put a couple of decent performances in and people have seemed to of forgotten he is a pure average player. Never going to be World Class, lets hope he never becomes 1st team.

Mr. Inconsistent - Glen Johnson
Fantastic getting up the pitch, vulnerable in his actual position. Why he didn't become a winger I don't know but he is great up the pitch and far too often exposed in defense. Sadly, best we have.

Injured Legend Returns - Rio Ferdinand
Injured far too often but since returning has been strong for United. He is captain again and lets hope he plays to that status. When on form unbeatable, but far too often loses concentration and makes silly mistakes.

The Bench Man - Jolean Lescott
For a long time now Jolean Lescott has been the man on the bench, often in the squad but never in the first team. Will be today, time for him to prove himself.

Injured Legend Stays Injured - John Terry
Has now dropped out the squad due to injury, perhaps for the best considoring since returning for Chelsea they have started conceding

Is he ever going to make it - Stephen Warnock
Never going to see the pitch in this game, is he too young at the moment or is he never going to make it. I can't help but feel he is just making up the numbers.

Goalkeepers

All Promise, No Return - Ben Foster
We all thought he was going to break through and be legendary. Never quite made it into the Man United first team, can't help same will apply to England.

The Scapegoat - Robert Green
Someone who took most of the flack for the disastrous World Cup, mainly because of his disastrous mistake. My biased view suggests he is still a legend though - come on you Hammers!

The New Hero - Joe Hart
We all think he is the best thing since sliced bread, except that one bugger up early on this season. But since breakthrough last season he has been as safe a pair of English hands we have seen since Seaman, lets hope it continues

Capello Squad for Montenegro - #2 The Midfielders

Number 2 of my series of blogs looking at Capello's squad to play Montenegro will focus upon the midfielders he has chosen. Midfield is the engine room of any good team. It is your first line of defence as well as the creative core of your attack. For me, a balanced midfield is key to success on the international level. When approaching a competition such as Euro 2012 managers must be aware that they will play teams playing various styles. Some teams we sit back and say "come on break us down" where as other teams will go for it and you will have to rely on not being broken down yourself, whilst being able to counter at pace. Therefore when selecting an England squad the manager should pick midfielders that can transform the team from one style to another. The defense are always going to have the job of stopping goals, the attack will always try to score - its the midfield that decided what happens in between!

Capello has picked 9 midfielders. I would suggest that this again indicates his want to play a four man midfield, but has tried to give himself options in case he switches into 5. So lets look at the squad he has picked:

The Rock - Gareth Barry
Gareth Barry oddly became the man we looked to for hope during the World Cup. This was mainly because he was injured and we were shit and we needed some excuse, that excuse was "oh we didn't have Gareth Barry". Sadly he was not the saviour, we needed someone to lift the team - he was not that person. He is never going to be the hero of the team, his role is to enable others to do that. He is the aforementioned first line of defence. He sits back and wins the ball so that the genius' of the team can do their thing. Gareth Barry is solid in this role, he is a strong tackler and a good passer. However, he is a not a great of the game. Roy Keane, Patrick Veira and Claude Makelele are the players that made this role their own in recent Premiership seasons. Gareth Barry follows in their footsteps but has never made their grade. He is good but not World Class. In Euro 2012 he could well be the man who has to stop Iniesta or Germany's Muller - will he be up to the task, for England's sake lets hope so. Barry fits more into the counter attacking style of play, he is the enabler that allows others to ping up the field by sitting back and filling their gap. When trying to break down a team he becomes unneccessary and can/should be replaced by more creative players.

The Last Chancer - Joe Cole
Joe Cole has got yet another call-up. He seems to feature in near all England squads when he is fit, and yet struggles to get into the first 11. His injuries are often to blame for this as he never gets to regularly prove his brilliance. And brilliant he is. He was at his best when at The Hammers (ok I am biast) but lets face it, I ain't lying! At Chelsea he struggled to find himself and become a regular player. Now he is at Liverpool and has had a mixed start. But it is time for him to prove himself. He is one of those few midfielders that can fit into both styles of teams mentioned above. In a team that is struggling to breakdown a 10man defence he can provide that expert pass or that great cross that might just be the breakthrough. In a team that is looking to score on the counter he can provide that flair that leaves cuts through a defense like butter. Euro 2012 is he last chance to show that he is the genius we always thought he would become - he needs a strong, injury-free two years of taking every international opportunity given to him, and he may be a first team choice and then he will be in that position to impress.

The Genius That Never Was - Steven Gerrard
Stevie G as he is affectionatly known by many, has for a long time been known as the genius of the England team. Along with Wayne Rooney all our hopes lied with him performing to his best. He never really has. Many excuses have been made for him - "can't play next to Lampard", "being played out of position" - but he has never been the hero of England the same way he has become the hero of Merseyside. We have seen glimpses of his brilliance throughout his international career, but it would hard to ever put him alongside Kaka as the best in the world. Is it our huge media world that has put him on an unrealistic pedestal, or is he actually a genius that just has never found his form? Well, either way he is the best we've got so lets hope its the second. Gerrard can fit into either format of midfield. He is someone who can help change defence to attack very quickly with long passes or by charging up into the opposing area himself. He is also a player that can hit a ball from range if a defence can't be broken down, or provide that deadly throughball to break them down. He is necessary in England's squad and will always be a first team player, lets just hope he proves to be the World Class player we think he is.


The Solid Youngster - Tom Huddlestone
Tom Huddlestone is the man looking to replace Gareth Barry. He has two years to do this and his run for that position starts here. His club form last season was superb and he played a major part in Spurs making the Champions League. This season he has started 'so-so' but as the season goes on I have no doubt he will become core to their success again. He will play the best in the Champions League, and it is this year where he can prove himself. He has a fantastic pass, and is a strong player who won't shy from a challenge. He also has a terrific engine and will run from box to box all game long. Like Barry he can be a core member of a counter attack strategy, in fact his longball passing ability may make him stronger in this position than Barry. Unlike Barry you could make an argument that Huddlestone could help breakdown a strong defence with his skilled passing and striking ability (his long shot is a good one). Perhaps in two years he will be a core first team player.

The New Hero - Adam Johnson
Adam Johnson grabbed the limelight at the end of last season and has kept it at the start of this. Struggled to break into the first 11 so far for England but is seemingly becoming a regular squad member. Come Euro 2012 I would not be suprised if he has broken into the first 11 and has been built as a hero by the media in a similar way Gerrard and Rooney have been. He is the first of the players mentioned so far that breaks from the 'traditional England midfielder' mould. He is a skillful winger that will run at defence and take players on. He does not rely on expert passing technique, though he isn't bad at that, instead he relies on close control and quick feet. He is very much the kind of player that would fit into a counter-attacking team, he can get up the wing quick and beat players to open up a team at speed. Whether he has the crossing ability and strike from range to help break down a 10 man defence remains to be seen.


Inconsistant Brilliance - Aaron Lennon
Like Johnson, Lennon is a winger trying to break the mould. His main skill lies in his ability to run at defenders and break them down. This makes him fairly useless against a 10 man defence, which I expect Montenegro will be, but his quick pace makes him perfect for a counter attack style. Questions still exist over his consistency, his last ball and his ability in front of goal. He has two years though, in those two years he will either make himself a sure thing for the England squad, or be replaced by someone like Johnson. Lennon is young though and good easily find his feet. I would suggest he may not ever become 'first name on the team sheet', but he may be perfect for a rotational squad needed for a competition like Euro 2012.

The Rising Star - Jack Wilshere
In a similar way to Adam Johnson, Jack Wilshere is quickly becoming the hero of the media. The one thats going to save us from what happened this summer. Whether or not this is the case or not, we shall see over the next two years. The fact is, we are all very excited now and he could be the star of the show for us. He is confident well beyond his years (18), and has ball control and passing ability which can be key to a strong attack. A stint at Bolton taught him to be a bit rufty-tufty as well. He may become the complete midfielder - the kind we hoped Gerrard would be - that fits into both styles of midfield easily.

The Man Who Makes Up The Numbers/The Game Changer - Shaun Wright-Phillips
Shaun Wright-Phillips gets two titles, mainly because he can be either one. There are times when he is superb, he takes on players and scores goal as well as any winger. Then there are times when he just doesn't appear in a game - and it is these times that has stopped him becoming an England great. It is too much of a worry that he may not perform when needed. He has two years to prove his consistency and at the increasingly competitive Man City he has the place to prove it. If he can become an ever present there, then no reason why he won't become first team England player. He primarily fits into a counter attacking style of play, getting the ball and running at a defence, exposing holes. He isn't an amazing crosser and doesn't have a brilliant strike - therefore struggles against teams that sit 10 men behind the ball.

The Suprise Package - Ashley Young
Ashley Young could well be the suprise package of Euro 2012. He has no where near the amount of hype that Wilshere or Johnson have and yet possesses as much of the skill, and has proven it many times. He is perhaps a big fish in a small pond at Villa but two good seasons secure him a place in the England squad and if things go right he could take many teams by surprise with unexpected skill, flair and ability. Unlike the other wingers he can fit into either midfield style. He has a great cross which could unleash Crouch against a solid defensive team, as well as the ability to run at defenders and hit teams at pace. I think he should almost certainly make the Euro 2012 squad, and potential first team player, but he will have to work hard to prove himself to Capello whilst at Aston Villa.

Overview:
So it would seem Capello has balanced the team with experience (Gerrard, Barry and Cole) with the future (Huddlestone, Wilshere and Johnson). Wright-Phillips has the potential to fit either bracket, as he does between genius and anti-climax. These players need to start securing their places for two years time and performances need to be strong from the get go. I think Gerrard and Cole may stand-up over the next two years as key players but never shock us by going beyond what we have seen before - for me Huddlestone, Johnson, Wilshere and Young may become the key players in our Euro 2012 midfield and that will suprise many teams. The unexpected skills of these players could shock and awe many of the best. Capello will need to give up hope on the old class of Gerrard and Cole, which I don't see happening. Capello has always been a fan of Barry - will Barry repay this, who knows.

Capello Squad for Montenegro - #1 The Strikers

So Capello has named his sqaud for the Euro 2012 Qualifier against Montenegro and I have decided to give my opinions on it over four blogs in the next four days. To start with, The Strikers. These are the people who will be looking to gain all the glory, the person who scores the goals and becomes the hero! Its a competitive position with only Wayne Rooney's place for Euro 2012 secure - and thats if he doesn't carry on his current dismal form. Capello has chosen 4 strikers, suggesting he will be playing 2 up front and leaving 2 for back-up. So here they are, those selected to go for glory:

The Shock Choice - Kevin Davies
Kevin Davies has gained his first ever England call-up...he is 33 years old. This is the shock choice of the selection! Capello has alway said he will select those that are on form at that moment in time, clearly he feels Kevin Davies current form has warrented a call-up. After all, his current form of 2 goals in 8 has helped Bolton reach the dizzy heights of 12th. Here are three gripes you might here about the selection of Kevin Davies:

1) He is 33 years old - in 2 years time when we come to Euro 2012, will he still be playing. Shouldn't we be building a team for that competition as we have a relatively easy group? Shouldn't Andy Carroll be getting the much needed experience now to prepare him to take on the best in the future? This argument isn't mine - its true - but for me not the main point.

2) He has never played against the best - in his 17 year career he has played a total of 14 European games and scored one European goal, and all of that was in the UEFA Cup. He has never played for a team that has made it into the top 4 and competed against the best in Europe, why is he good enough now? Again, this is valid - but not why I don't want him in the squad.

3) He is not good enough - Now this is why I don't want him in the squad. There is a reason he has never been picked for England before, he isn't good enough! He is a thuggish player who since losing his pace has survived by just kicking more talented players around. He is an elbows out kind of forward, you ain't gonna see many stepovers from this lad. The perfect compliment to the skill of Rooney or the antithesis of what Rooney signifies for England? I think I know which one! In his 600 professional games he has scored 120 goals - his star season is 12 goals in one season...really? World Class? I think not!

The one with 1 more chance to impress - Darren Bent
Darren Bent has been so close so many times but never quite broken through into a regular squad member. His form, this season and last, certainly warrants the call-up and if he brings that form into the game and impresses then he may just push himself quite a lot closer to becoming a regular England squad member - good luck to him! He may not be World Class, but he'll do for a back-up!

The one that could become the opportunist - Peter Crouch
Crouch was there, first team player - but for some reason Capello was not a fan. Was it his personal life? Was it the way he seems to force teams to play Route 1 Football? Who knows...what we do know though, he has a fantastic international record - 21 goals in 40 games, not bad at all! If Peter Crouch starts (which surely he will) and then performs there is no reason why he won't secure a place in the England Squad and make a push for that starting 11.

The Superstar - Wayne Rooney
The man on who all our hopes lie, I hate to admit it but we fucking need that scouse fucker. He was dismal in the World Cup and he has been dismal since! We all know why...so lets solve it...lets get the lad some prozzies! Coleen obv ain't giving him what he needs, he had the best season of his life when he had the wife, the kid and the prozzie...then we all find out, the prozzie gets cut off and he turns to shit. Get the lad laid and then we may go all the way! Come on Capello - thats what we call man management!

West Ham draw to Fulham - So close but no cigar in all aspects

Piquionne we love you!

So I might be asking a little much but I am still rather disappointed by the draw today. Ok so Fulham ain't a bad team, but come on is it so much to ask that we get that bit of luck and pip them 2-1? Robert Green vs Clint Dempsey, it was only ever going to go one way wasn't it. Robert Green must actually have fucking nightmares over Mr. Dempsey. When that goal went in I was actually like, "oh fuck here we go again!", but oh no I forgot we got Piquionne and Obinna who are on a two man mission to keep the Hammers fucking happy this season! We got four points now, we may still be on the bottom but its looking up! I think we can do it! We need to fucking do thats for damn sure! Obinna and Piquionne have started to get a little bit of a partnership going up the front in the last couple of games and that matched with our man Parker keeping everyone in order in the middle may just be enough! Now we just need Robert Green to start playing the way that made him England Number One, rather than the way that took the Number One away from him, and we should be fine this season.

It's going to be a long season boys, but that just may work in our favour! The team is starting to settle under Mr. Grant and who knows it may just all work out for the best just yet. I reckon over the 38 games we will make it up to 38 points and that may just be enough! It will be a toughy but fuck it lets make it happen!

Gaz I fucking hate you!

So after the game we were a mixture of emotions. We hadn't won, but we hadn't lost. We had a couple of bevvies down the The Boleyn and disected the game the same we always do. We may have got a little rowdy and yes we may have got a little bit drunk, but no problems this week. The Fulham lads went back to South West with a few black eyes I am sure, but none delt out by me or my mates.

We are in The Boleyn arguing about whether Upson is good enough for the England team or not (dunno what the arguments were because clearly he is), when Gaz gets a text. It's from one of the ladies that he occasionally frequents. They are having a party tonight and want him to come along. Obviously he does, with the lads following him. We have all decided The Jersey Game is going to be no go tonight - all the Fulham birds have headed back over to their posh homes in West London - we think fuck it, we'll take any bird tonight!

Me, Daz, Butters and Gaz hit this party hard. We all meet up round Daz flat first and snort the only few lines we got - we are all a bit dry on cash this weekend! We then pull out some X Cider's (told ya, strapped for cash) out the fridge and shotgun a couple.

Its about 9 when we hit the party, ok so you may be like "That's a bit early!", but nah not for us. We want some time before the party really kicks off to make our mark on a few of the girls. We don't want to walk into a kicking party and join in, we want to be the ones that arrive and then the party kicks off. Remembered for making that party happen! When we turn up we got a bottle of Jaeger in hand and Gaz introduces us to his girl who then introduces us around. The party does indeed kick off as soon as we flip that Jaeger bottle lid off and start dealing out shots. Jaegerbombs are being done on one side of the room, tequila that the hostess bought flowing the other.

Loadsa people start turning up around 10:30 - 11:00 with the booze they brought, which I help myself to. Getting pretty mashed up...the music buzzin! The girl who Gaz knows - Trisha - is clearly an R'n'B grinder kinda girl! We had the ol' Tinie Tempah booming over the speakers, then we had Rhianna banging out and all the girls knew this was their chance to show off their shagging moves so they hit the floor. I'd had a fair amount of drink by this time so me and Daz hit the dancefloor and start doing our thing with a couple of the ladies! Butters is as usual drinking himself into an early grave and fuck knows where Gaz is!

So I end up getting my grind on with Trisha, the bird whose party it is - the bird that Gaz has been frequenting recently. Oh well, he fucks other people - sure she can too, and why not let that person be me. So we are proper grinding and I gotta hand it to Gaz, this girl is hot. Long blonde hair, nice long legs shown off by a short dress. The boobs ain't huge but fuck it who wants more than a mouthful anyway. She got a nice tight ass as well (I know this because I am having a good grope as we grind).

It's about 1am, and Usher's new choooon is playing over the speakers. A few people are starting to flag though. Butters especially - he is sprawled out over two girls on the sofa. They don't look pleased about this. Trisha clearly see's that her party is coming to an end and takes me by the hand to kickstart our own party in her bedroom. She drags me down the hallway to where her bedroom is. I am thinking that I am def getting laid and that I am def going to horrible things to her tight ass! Then just as she pulls down the handle of her bedroom door I hear a very familiar voice, "Trish!" It's Gaz strolling out of the bathroom. Has he been in there all night? Has he been sick? Fuck knows, but he looks gone and he doesn't even notice I am there. He just walks up, shoves his tongue down Trish and then opens her bedroom door, pulls her in and shuts it in my face. Denied! Gaz just committed a burglary on me!

I end up going home with no pussy that night, just Daz helping me carry Butters. We can't be arsed to take him the whole way so just leave him at the Bobby Moore Statue and me and Daz go back to mine - Daz on the sofa of course, don't worry I don't roll that way!